Well this is different... Not least because this is the first time I've usesd my tablet on the train! As a follow up to the previous blog, I thought I woulds write a live blog from Aathe train itself to let you know - live - how I'm feeling. If you didn't get it, that's LIVE!
First of all I apologise if there are some errors... I'm not very quick on the tablet touchpad yet and re-editing bits is a bit of a faff. I don't want to generate any unnecessary anxiety now do I?
So I am in transit to Chippenham, the longest lone train journey since that fateful day over 2 years ago. I haven't got far yet, I'm between Wolverhampton and Birmingham, although by the time I've finished I'll probably be nearly at Bristol, my first stop. I have been feeking 'nervous' all day. It's difficult for someone like me to diferentiate between nervousness and anxiety, although it's often about being rational... in thid case, being 'nervous' about a train journey isn't rational, so from that I guess you can draw your own conclusions.
So by nervous, what exactly do I mean? The stomach has been churning a fair bit whichvisn't good of course because, due to health anxiety, I am ovrrly sensitive to any physical changes etc so that's ben keeoing me occupied most of the day. I'ts slso very difficult to not think about the past event, what happened. In a way it's helpful, but generally it's just a horrible reminder of how horrendous that whole experience was.
I just have to keep tellihg myself that I am stronger now. I have learnt so much about myself and about the anxiety which has plagued me for 15 long years. I have experience and knowledge on my side.
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