On the odd occasion that someone
asks me about my experiences with talking therapies, I can never just give a
short, straight answer (you'll be delighted to know). My chronic
anxiety has led me down various talking therapy avenues in my life, usually at
the lowest points when I just couldn't handle the condition on my own anymore. They have all given me different experiences.
I've had five separate talking
therapy sessions in the past, all for various different elements of anxiety,
that temporally go something like this:
·
NHS counselling: 1997
· University counselling: 2006
·
NHS counselling: 2007
·
Private CBT: 2009
·
Private CBT: 2011-12
I was only 11-ish years old when
I accessed the first batch of counselling in 1997, so I'll bypass that for fear
of not recalling memories about it coherently.
However, out of the other four, I can confidently state that only the
latter of the talking therapies listed above was 'successful' for me.
 |
| We, too, sat in a massive hand |
The University counselling, which
consisted of just one session with the university's therapist, only came about
because it took over ten months to see the NHS counsellor listed subsequently
and I was simply getting impatient. I
contacted the NHS for an appointment in about September 2006 and didn't get to
see the counsellor, after numerous cancelled appointments, until about July
2007, by which time I'd actually come through the worst of the current
situation myself, simply by the gift of time.
So not only was the counselling
ineffective for this reason, but also because the counsellor in question was
not very sympathetic, to say the least.
I appreciate it's not sympathy you need in dealing with such
circumstances, but it got to the point where he didn't appear to appreciate my
situation or what I was going through. I
felt bitterly let down by this and consequently I haven't been back to NHS
therapy since.
By 2009, I thought that the
majority of my anxiety had dissipated (although now I know it hadn’t, but
that's a separate story). However, I
still wanted to conquer my fear of eating out which had persisted for many
years. It was crippling my social life
and I needed to sort it out quickly, so I sought out my own help via the
Internet and found a local private CBT therapist.
Sadly, successes here are also
hard to tease out. I saw her within two
weeks of contacting, which of course was a huge improvement, but the therapist
was more concerned with finding out why I had the eating problem rather than
trying to deal with it. I've since
learnt that I wasn't really getting CBT, and I knew when we spent one session
purely focusing on dolphin noises that I wasn't getting anywhere useful with
this. Despite it being a private
therapist, I was also limited to a maximum of about eight sessions, which again
I now know was nowhere near an adequate amount for me.
My anxiety as a whole took an
awful turn in March 2011 (see previous blogs) and so followed what was probably the lowest period
I’ve ever had in my life – I needed help.
I knew going down the NHS therapist line wasn't going to help me and I was
also more wary about the 'randomly selecting a private therapist' route. I was in despair and spent ages searching for
some sort of solace on the Internet, which as with most things these days
became the fountain of all knowledge.
That's when I stumbled across
Anxiety UK, a charity that offers private therapy sessions. The therapists themselves may work for the
NHS by day, but some take up private clients out of hours, as was the case with
me. At the time, I was struggling to
even make it out of the house and there was no local therapist. So I utilised their option of therapy via
webcam. Within two weeks of contacting
Anxiety UK, I had my first appointment arranged... and that's considering some
unfortunate admin issues without which would have meant it would have been even
quicker!
So I undertook webcam therapy
with a CBT therapist from Scotland, whilst I live hundreds of miles away in the
Midlands, and although there were one or two restrictions compared to more conventional
talking therapies, it was great. One
thing my therapist did say is that "I can't put you into a totally anxious
state, lest I can't adequately get you out again" whereby inducing an
anxious state is, of course, aimed to help with progress. There were also one or two technical problems
too, as you'd expect. But overall, it
was a success.
Although of course, the biggest
success wasn't whether it was via webcam or not; the biggest success was the
therapist herself. We struck up a great
relationship which aided my recovery as much as my actual therapy did. I had around 50 sessions in total, which goes
to prove how much therapy I actually needed, but as you will gather from this,
I was able to have as many sessions as I wanted. We phased out the frequency of the sessions
after about the 40th which meant it was a gradual close off rather than a
sudden one, helping to minimise the likelihood of a relapse. And most importantly, what I was getting was
actual CBT, the actual treatment that I asked for, which made me realise that what
I received before wasn't.
The therapy I received in 2011-12
has really helped to turn my life around.
When it first started, I couldn't see a way out of my lowest point, but
with the hard work on top of the number of sessions I had, I'm now much more
confident about facing my anxiety and, indeed, writing about it. The only medication I’ve ever been on is
beta-blockers; I’ve never been prescribed any anti-depressants, so as to suggest
that one can gain real success from talking therapy without the need for heavy
medication.
I grant you that I had to pay for
this therapy, which of course I appreciate isn't always an option for
everyone. But if you are able to put
some money aside to afford therapy, then I'd strongly urge you towards professional,
knowledgeable and empathetic charities like Anxiety UK and Mind first, as they
will guide you on the best course of action to take. My experiences suggest that spending a little
bit of time - perhaps more than you'd like if you're in an extremely low point
- is well worth the effort in the longer run, in terms of getting the best help
for you.
Best wishes
Al
