Anxiety Bites II

I have a few things that I would like to squeeze into one blog, hence a perfect opportunity for another round of Anxiety Bites.

Denise Welch

I am pleased that Denise Welch, Mind's new ambassador, represents another celebrity who is 'coming out' about their mental health.  Consequently she is helping to try and remove the stigma that, as she puts it in her article written in the latest Mind magazine, "sadly still exists."  It's another

Denise appearing on my favourite show

small but useful step in getting people more open about mental health as a whole.  However, one of the paragraphs in her article is her take on anti-depressants, about which she states that "I am a huge advocate of anti-depressants."  Now, I've had no experience of anti-depressants, and as I mentioned in a previous blog, I am probably 'scared' of what they can do because of my health anxiety.  I have a fear of anything tampering with the body that doesn't seem natural.  This isn't to say that I am against them, nor that, as Denise says, they are not a good solution if they are "prescribed properly."  What is disappointing, though, is the fact that counselling or alternative talking therapies aren't mentioned at all, not even in conjunction with the anti-depressants.  She makes it sound like they are the answer to everything, but even I know that this is clearly not the case.  They will help in the right circumstances, I've no doubt, but everyone and every situation is unique, and the way that they are portrayed here should have been flagged up with some caution by an expert from Mind, in my opinion.

The day my boss nearly found out about my anxiety

Mind have recently sent me some postcards, which contain their logo and a quote from someone with a mental health problem.  One of them focuses on the workplace and states that "6 out of 10 employers say they wouldn't want to take on an employee with a mental health problem."  In my wisdom, I decided to take this postcard and pin it to my desk divide at work.  Bear in mind that no-one at work knows much about my anxiety (as far as I know, unless they have stumbled across this blog in their travels).  My boss, who I get on with very well fortunately, saw this a few days after I'd put it up and said 'interesting, do you know someone who has experienced this?'  Whether by 'this' he meant problems with their employer or a mental health problem I don't know.  Either way, this was the perfect opportunity to say something about my condition, despite not having a clue how he would react.  But I'm sorry to say that I bottled it.  I'm sorry, mainly because I had a golden opportunity to try and stand up against the stigma, but failed to take it.  I just said that I support Mind and that's how I got the postcards.  Without using this as an excuse, his asking me took me right by surprise, but surely I should have expected this eventually if I decide to put a postcard next to my desk?  I'm now thinking of elaborating.  If I get the balls, I'll let you know how it goes.  What it does prove, though, is that when a job and people's opinion of you is/are potentially at stake, talking about my mental health at work is something that I feel could still impact negatively on me, simply because of the uncertainty around how people could react.  This is wrong, because as we all know, there should be no negative reaction!

Moving on...

At this juncture, I will announce that I am moving out of my parent's house again, i.e. the place I have lived for all but 10 months of my life.  I am moving into a shared accommodation with my friend, who I lived with before, and three other people.  I looked at about eight difference places in the end to try and get the right one, and at this stage I'm really very positive about the one I've chosen.  All of the people (all girls... just a coincidence of course) seem very nice, friendly and sociable.  In all seriousness, this could dramatically change my day to day routine, something I've been craving for some time.  How this will react on my anxiety is anybody's guess.  I know I need to improve my social life and engagement with people.  I know in doing this, it requires meeting new people, which the housemates will provide.  As I mentioned, they seem sociable, and enjoy going out.  This will be a huge test of my social anxiety and consequently (as all strands of my anxiety are linked) my anxiety as a whole.  I'm nervous, but looking forward to it at the same time.  All sorts of thoughts are going round and round, such as 'what about food?'  'How will I come across?'  'Should I tell them about my anxiety?'  Yadda yadda.  I'd love to be the sort of person who could go with the flow, take things one step at a time and not over-analyse situations.  I'm going to try... but I know it won't happen.  I will obviously let you know how it all goes, but without sounding melodramatic, this could alter things like never before - hopefully for the better.  The move will happen at the start of September.

Watch this space!

Best wishes
Al

Seasonal Affective Disorder: The Polar Opposite

If you're a keen reader of this blog (then you're the only one?), then you may have picked up on my profession that involves climate and weather.  So it was interesting when I learnt about Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), which is a lot more than just getting annoyed about the weather in winter.  And that's what SAD is - it's being low and depressed during the winter months, largely as a consequence of the weather and light levels, but it potentially resulting in sustained depression and misery for months.

Girls flaunting their... joy

I don't have SAD, at least not to a severe extent, but I can certainly appreciate and understand why people do.  However, perhaps the odd thing for me is that any possible SAD that I get actually occurs in summer, and not winter. 

This is particularly pertinent at the moment.  If you live in this country, you may have noticed that we're currently experiencing a UK heatwave, the first since 2006 and the longest for... well, a long time.  I hate the heat.  Yes, I am one of those annoying people who complain when it gets hot.  But I hate it.  Not least because my bedroom has three outside facing walls and the sun blasts on it all day - it's 27.8C (82F) in there now, and will get hotter still before the day is out.  We also get humid heat in the UK, not dry dusty heat.  The latter may be tolerable, but our heat is always 'move an inch and you can baste yourself in your own sweat' type heat.

One could argue that this is just me being annoyed about the weather, which as I said above is not SAD.  Heat, however, also affects my health and my sleep.  I suffer from health anxiety, and heat often makes me worried that I'm going to blow up.  In cold weather, you can throw five layers on and be fine.  Once you're parading around naked, there's nothing more you can do in hot weather.  As I said, it also affects sleeping.  It's ridiculous enough that it gets light at 3am, but add to that a claustrophobic and choking heat around you it's just unpleasant.  Lack of sleep, as I've blogged about before, can easily result in greater anxiety levels and so the cycle goes on.

That terrible incident over two years ago in Cornwall occurred when I was too hot.  I blame this for one reason for it happening in the first place.  It was only late March, but it was a warm day and I admit that I wasn't dressed for low-20's temperatures, wearing a thick coat. 

The other thing about this weather is that people have the natural, but irritating habit of being happy.  They love being able to go outside and not worry about freezing their knackers off or getting soaked to the skin.  They love being able to wear next to nothing, parading their semi-nakedness and being proud about it.  (Yes, two lots of naked parading).  It's an opportunity to flaunt their non-anxious, rich social lives in front of you.  Or at least, that's how it comes across to me, who has spent years grappling with anxiety whilst at the same time trying to piece together some assemblance of a social life that hasn't been ravaged by anxiety in the past.  People seem to be without a care in the summer; I'm sure this isn't true, but their attitude outdoors in the sunshine conveys this. 

It makes me feel low to see others behaving like this, even though my natural reaction is just to see what I can see, rather than consider that many of them may be experiencing or may have experienced plenty of trauma in their lives.  Meanwhile, I stand there wilting in the heat.

It's all locked away in winter.  I love Christmas, which helps, but even in January, I feel emotionally warmer by the physical cold outside.  Maybe there's a bit here about rejoicing at other people's winter misery, but I don't think so; I think it's more about being glad that lives are more private and also that you can actually move an inch without dying of heat exhaustion.

Maybe that's why I work in the field of climate change.  I have a personal vendetta against hot weather, and an increase as such would make me more miserable.  I am on my own personal crusade to develop a huge mirror to deflect the sun back into space, thus creating another ice age and a boom in the scarf industry.

The one thing, of course, that can alleviate my reverse-SAD is to act myself.  Get out there, so I too can enjoy this weather.  I don't think I'll ever love the heat, but at least it will become tolerable if I am one of those people outside, flaunting their joy. 

For now, I'll go and turn the radiator on to cool my room down.

Best wishes
Al

Thank you, i

I would like to thank i newspaper for highlighting the huge issue of mental health taboo in relation to young people in Friday's edition.  I don't know whether all media are open about mental health in this manner or whether i is setting a precedent, but still, it's a start. 

I took a photo of the relevant page and have included some personal annotations.  If the image, below, is of poor quality or you can't see all of it, I apologise... Try saving it to your computer (or tablet or phone or other technological revolutionary device) and then reading it.