The first blog I wrote on this, The Anxiety Tracker website, was on 15 June 2012. A fairly significant 2,307 days (thank you Google) later, I have decided to bring my regular blogging days to an end. This is not a decision to have taken lightly.
However, two main factors have contributed to this decision:
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| The crap images go right to the wire |
2) Running out of meaningful material. Six years and four months is a long time and apparently I have written 149 blog posts in that time. So this will make it a round 150, which is a nice number to end on. I only just realised this!! I have plenty of things I could still write about, but most of them are things I have written about before or rants about things leading to poorly constructed nonsense that frankly would probably do more harm than good to anyone reading it. I also don't want to repeat topics that I have written about before too often.
I feel sad, because setting up this site and writing these blogs I count as part of my recovery from chronic anxiety. I think back to blog one and back then it was only a year or so since I had a major mental breakdown on a train back from Cornwall. Anxiety, panic and distress all rolled into one 14-hour hell hole.
But the posts quite quickly became resources that others experiencing mental health problems also found useful, which is great - but also why I don't want to continue writing if I have nothing useful to write about.
I will be keeping this website live - I have no reason to close it - so I hope people still find the posts useful. Most of them will still apply in several years let alone now, so they can still be used as a resource for people to delve into, hopefully. I will also be continuing to tweet of course, on my @AnxietyTracker account. I also hope that the forthcoming anxiety and OCD-focused podcast, I've Been Thinking, that I am co-producing will also eventually be launched. Again a lack of time is proving to be a block for both of us at present, but it's still going to happen. Keep an eye on the I've Been Thinking twitter account for details.
I cannot quite believe how far I have come in these 2,307 days. Living in two shared houses, buying a house, progressing in my job, becoming a secondary carer, maintaining an incredible group of friends, able to eat out, travelled on my own to several places, been abroad three times etc... all things I wouldn't have thought fathomable back in 2012. Whilst some of these are material things, they are all symbols of how I have managed to improve my mental health during that time. Sure, things can still be difficult and stressful, but not to the point where I become an anxious shambles which causes me much pain and renders me useless and a burden to everyone else around me. I need to work very hard every day to ensure this doesn't happen, that I don't slip back into old ways - but somehow, however I do it is still working.
There are so many people to thank during this time - most of them I blogged about when I wrote the 'Five Blogs of Thanks' series last year, so I won't repeat them here. But a specific mention has to go to my therapist, without whom I dread to think where I would be now. Along with this series, below I have recommended to you what I think are my five perhaps most perceptive posts I have written over the years (in chronological order):
- Seven Steps to Stability Series for Mental Health Awareness Week 2014
- The vivid description of my aforementioned meltdown in 2011
- My opinion on the impact of social media on mental health
- A plea to government on how to integrate mental health awareness in schools
- An insight into Cognitive Behavioural Therapy based on my experiences
I have also purposely waited until another imminent #WorldMentalHealthDay is upon us to close this blogging chapter of my life. I wanted to say that I in constant awe at some of the work that charities in the UK do to support people with mental health problems - Anxiety UK, Mind, Mental Health Foundation, Samaritans to name but four - and even more impressively, the work of individuals who have taken tackling mental health stigma by the scruff of the neck all off their own back, often with incredible results. You are all an inspiration to me and millions of other worldwide and this movement, as I call it, can be summed up by the #WorldMentalHealthDay initiative. Together, we have created something special.
And I hope that this something special will, at last, be properly listened to. Influencing those who make decisions continues to be like trying to get blood out of a stone, but chinks of light are starting to appear. I don't doubt that the movement I describe above is the main - if not only - reason for this light.
Finally, if you're in deep distress and pain and have ended up reading this or any other posts on this site - and indeed other blogs from other people - but are still unsure of where to turn, please talk to someone. Anyone. This could be me via Twitter, a friend or relative of yours, one of the aforementioned charities, your GP or someone totally random. Talking is the first step to recovery.
You are not alone, and never will be. And it's this togetherness that gives me great comfort every single day.
Forever best wishes,
Al
