Tuesday 31 July 2012
Oh look, another spider
If you have a phobia of spiders, like me, don't worry, you won't have any spiders in your home. Why? Because they are all in mine.
Saturday 28 July 2012
A Little Bit OCD?
I've recently watched the documentary on Channel 4 with Jon Richardson which showed him meeting various people who have OCD, in order for him to try and work out whether his compulsions are indeed severe enough to be classed as a 'Disorder.' I also watched the 'World's Maddest Job Interview' on the same channel, which I thought was fascinating. Two of the eight volunteers on the show had OCD which had dominated their lives in unimaginable ways. Regardless, both had made an good to great impression on the interviewers (and moreover, the interviewers top three had all had mental health problems).
All of this got me thinking: how OCD am I? I suffer from chronic anxiety as detailed in earlier blogs, but do I also have OCD? If I do, has it fuelled the anxiety or has the anxiety caused it?
I know that I have an element of OCD. Indeed, I do believe everyone has a tiny bit of OCD, in most cases so little that it can simply be described as an individuals 'personality.' Most people I've spoken to about the Jon Richardson show have said "I think everyone has a bit of OCD." Whilst I reckon I have more than a little bit, one wonders whether it would be enough to class it as a disorder... just like Richardson.
Here are my traits:
- Hand washing: I wash my hands on a regular basis, usually with the Carex hand gel; I refuse to accept that bars of soap of even soap that doesn't say 'kills 99.9% of bacteria' is worthwhile. I take hand gel with me everywhere and feel like I can't eat if I don't wash my hands beforehand. I wouldn't, however, say it causes me any great stress or problems in life; it's not on my mind every waking hour of the day. It only gets annoying if I forget my hand gel, because it can begin to become restrictive.
- Hygiene: On a similar theme. I live in a rented house with five other tenants, all of whom are blokes... it's not the cleanest accommodation at times. Maybe I should re-assess why I'm the only one who cleans the toilets from 'because everyone else is a lazy git' to 'I'm over obsessive with cleanliness.' But again, bar the inconvenience of this and spraying work surfaces with Dettol before preparing food etc it doesn't cause me any great pain. I know for a fact that this trait has come from my parents, especially my Mum; she cleans a lot...
- Words: This is something I've had for years. If I read or write the word 'die' or 'death' or something equally morbid, I have to either do my best not to look at it or focus briefly afterwards on a positive or neutral word, preferably a verb as 'dying' is an act of 'doing' at the end of the day. Typing this sentence made me uncomfortable, and now I'm having a battle with myself; the battle goes something along the lines of 'don't worry about not reading the word dying, it's only letters put together... but the fact you're making such a big deal of it...' etc etc. Again, this is just irritating when I'm reading something. The same goes for if someone says such a word: I've been known to make them say something else if they end a sentence on a word I don't like.
- Perfectionism: I am a perfectionist certain things, especially work. This can be a good thing but it can also mean it takes longer to do things than are necessary. Generally, though, this isn't a huge problem and can actually be beneficial!
- Order: I like neatness, which I suppose isn't surprising given the cleanliness issue or if you were to learn about my upbringing. But I wouldn't say it's a disorder: I just like things to be tidy. This probably isn't even overly obsessive.
But I would argue the big ones are:
- Thoughts1: In the past, I've had problems with a particular theme tune from a particular cartoon that I used to watch; it got stuck in my head for years. Yes, years. It still springs up now from time to time. Why this song? No idea. Why does it go round and round for so long? No idea. There was a time back in 2006/7 when it was causing me real problems; I had to force myself so hard to stop it. It affected my second year university exams and was generally making my life a misery. I've never officially been diagnosed with this to be anything other than 'weird,' but I'm guessing it's some form of OCD.
- Thoughts2: On a similar note, I've also had issues with counting. I used to have a clock that ticked quite loudly in my bedroom, and at night I couldn't help but count the number of ticks. Also similarly, a recent problem has been my mind noticing when I'm dropping off to sleep, which in turn makes me wake up again. This has lead to several bad night's sleep. I call both Thoughts1 and 2 'repetitive unwanted thought processes (RUTP).' I would say these could both tip me over the edge into the 'disorder' category.
Have any of these fuelled my anxiety? Obviously without professional advice and opinion I can't say for certain. I believe that the latter two have done so, especially the time I mentioned in 2006/7. I remember suffering many panic attacks during this period. But it's still a bit 'chicken and egg' as to whether this caused the RUTP or vice-versa.
Obviously, I'm scared that any of these traits could get worse with time. But I hope that, having managed them so far, I can continue to do so.
Just don't ask me to write about the death of Carex hand gel producer in the room where there's a ticking clock and a whole load of mess.
Best wishes
Al
All of this got me thinking: how OCD am I? I suffer from chronic anxiety as detailed in earlier blogs, but do I also have OCD? If I do, has it fuelled the anxiety or has the anxiety caused it?
I know that I have an element of OCD. Indeed, I do believe everyone has a tiny bit of OCD, in most cases so little that it can simply be described as an individuals 'personality.' Most people I've spoken to about the Jon Richardson show have said "I think everyone has a bit of OCD." Whilst I reckon I have more than a little bit, one wonders whether it would be enough to class it as a disorder... just like Richardson.
Here are my traits:
- Hand washing: I wash my hands on a regular basis, usually with the Carex hand gel; I refuse to accept that bars of soap of even soap that doesn't say 'kills 99.9% of bacteria' is worthwhile. I take hand gel with me everywhere and feel like I can't eat if I don't wash my hands beforehand. I wouldn't, however, say it causes me any great stress or problems in life; it's not on my mind every waking hour of the day. It only gets annoying if I forget my hand gel, because it can begin to become restrictive.
- Hygiene: On a similar theme. I live in a rented house with five other tenants, all of whom are blokes... it's not the cleanest accommodation at times. Maybe I should re-assess why I'm the only one who cleans the toilets from 'because everyone else is a lazy git' to 'I'm over obsessive with cleanliness.' But again, bar the inconvenience of this and spraying work surfaces with Dettol before preparing food etc it doesn't cause me any great pain. I know for a fact that this trait has come from my parents, especially my Mum; she cleans a lot...
- Words: This is something I've had for years. If I read or write the word 'die' or 'death' or something equally morbid, I have to either do my best not to look at it or focus briefly afterwards on a positive or neutral word, preferably a verb as 'dying' is an act of 'doing' at the end of the day. Typing this sentence made me uncomfortable, and now I'm having a battle with myself; the battle goes something along the lines of 'don't worry about not reading the word dying, it's only letters put together... but the fact you're making such a big deal of it...' etc etc. Again, this is just irritating when I'm reading something. The same goes for if someone says such a word: I've been known to make them say something else if they end a sentence on a word I don't like.
- Perfectionism: I am a perfectionist certain things, especially work. This can be a good thing but it can also mean it takes longer to do things than are necessary. Generally, though, this isn't a huge problem and can actually be beneficial!
- Order: I like neatness, which I suppose isn't surprising given the cleanliness issue or if you were to learn about my upbringing. But I wouldn't say it's a disorder: I just like things to be tidy. This probably isn't even overly obsessive.
But I would argue the big ones are:
- Thoughts1: In the past, I've had problems with a particular theme tune from a particular cartoon that I used to watch; it got stuck in my head for years. Yes, years. It still springs up now from time to time. Why this song? No idea. Why does it go round and round for so long? No idea. There was a time back in 2006/7 when it was causing me real problems; I had to force myself so hard to stop it. It affected my second year university exams and was generally making my life a misery. I've never officially been diagnosed with this to be anything other than 'weird,' but I'm guessing it's some form of OCD.
- Thoughts2: On a similar note, I've also had issues with counting. I used to have a clock that ticked quite loudly in my bedroom, and at night I couldn't help but count the number of ticks. Also similarly, a recent problem has been my mind noticing when I'm dropping off to sleep, which in turn makes me wake up again. This has lead to several bad night's sleep. I call both Thoughts1 and 2 'repetitive unwanted thought processes (RUTP).' I would say these could both tip me over the edge into the 'disorder' category.
Have any of these fuelled my anxiety? Obviously without professional advice and opinion I can't say for certain. I believe that the latter two have done so, especially the time I mentioned in 2006/7. I remember suffering many panic attacks during this period. But it's still a bit 'chicken and egg' as to whether this caused the RUTP or vice-versa.
Obviously, I'm scared that any of these traits could get worse with time. But I hope that, having managed them so far, I can continue to do so.
Just don't ask me to write about the death of Carex hand gel producer in the room where there's a ticking clock and a whole load of mess.
Best wishes
Al
Tuesday 24 July 2012
Desire to Assist
Anxiety has presented me with many frustrations over the years, but none more so than being cut off from other people. I love company and I love talking to people generally; I even love doing presentations, when I know what I'm talking about and when my anxiety isn't too dominating. But what anxiety has done over the years has crippled by self-esteem, and also made me very low in confidence when it comes to speaking to anyone, or even thinking my views are valid.
One thing my therapist and general life experiences have taught me is that talking to people, whether it be professionals, fellow anxiety sufferers or friends and family can really help. Even if the person doesn't fully 'understand' the problem, if they can empathise and if they can offer their support even as a gesture, it really is comforting.
Anxiety also has the frightening ability to make you want to talk less during your lowest times. One of my on-going struggles is eating out (no doubt I'll blog about this separately in future!), and when I'm eating out even with a close friend(s), when I'm going through the inevitable struggle of anxiety I don't talk about it and I swallow all my words. Infact I end up swallowing more words than food...
I'm trying desperately to snap out of this regime. I am far more open about talking about anxiety now, although I still find it difficult to bring it up at the most crucial times... i.e., when I'm most anxious.
As I mentioned before, it's also given me long-term self-esteem issues in certain circumstances, which can really restrict life development.
What I do have now, though, is a desire to share my anxious experiences with others. I don't have any therapist qualifications, far from it, but what I do have is experience of certain types of anxiety and experience of its impacts both in the short and long term. I want to share this with people who perhaps don't know where to turn and help them by knowing there are others like them out there. Hence why I set up this blog, and hence why I have recently signed up to Anxiety UK's HealthUnlocked forum space, which is exactly what this aims to do (and seems to me to already be proving successful).
It's getting that message across that's most difficult - how can I share my experiences and get people talking about anxiety on a local scale? Time to wrack my brains I think.
I'm a people person. I love the feelings you get from talking to people you share even the slightest connection with. Anxiety, whilst weakening you on the surface, can actually strengthen your ability to do this, especially when connecting with people who know what it's like.
One thing my therapist and general life experiences have taught me is that talking to people, whether it be professionals, fellow anxiety sufferers or friends and family can really help. Even if the person doesn't fully 'understand' the problem, if they can empathise and if they can offer their support even as a gesture, it really is comforting.
Anxiety also has the frightening ability to make you want to talk less during your lowest times. One of my on-going struggles is eating out (no doubt I'll blog about this separately in future!), and when I'm eating out even with a close friend(s), when I'm going through the inevitable struggle of anxiety I don't talk about it and I swallow all my words. Infact I end up swallowing more words than food...
I'm trying desperately to snap out of this regime. I am far more open about talking about anxiety now, although I still find it difficult to bring it up at the most crucial times... i.e., when I'm most anxious.
As I mentioned before, it's also given me long-term self-esteem issues in certain circumstances, which can really restrict life development.
What I do have now, though, is a desire to share my anxious experiences with others. I don't have any therapist qualifications, far from it, but what I do have is experience of certain types of anxiety and experience of its impacts both in the short and long term. I want to share this with people who perhaps don't know where to turn and help them by knowing there are others like them out there. Hence why I set up this blog, and hence why I have recently signed up to Anxiety UK's HealthUnlocked forum space, which is exactly what this aims to do (and seems to me to already be proving successful).
It's getting that message across that's most difficult - how can I share my experiences and get people talking about anxiety on a local scale? Time to wrack my brains I think.
I'm a people person. I love the feelings you get from talking to people you share even the slightest connection with. Anxiety, whilst weakening you on the surface, can actually strengthen your ability to do this, especially when connecting with people who know what it's like.
Saturday 14 July 2012
Music Therapy?
There probably is an official therapy called 'music therapy' which for all I know may be used to treat people with anxiety. I wouldn't be surprised if there is, but if there isn't, I'd love to be the one to introduce it into the treatment library.
Granted, I should have done some research on this before blogging about it. Anyone who reads this blog with any frequency will soon get to understand that I don't do this...
Anyway, I say this about music because in my opinion it can be such a good remedy. Anxiety and depression is all about mood after all, and music is the most incredible tool for changing the way you feel. These days, if I feel anxious or low and I'm in an appropriate situation, I put my laptop on, turn my speakers (complete with sub-woofer, which to clarify is not a hyperactive dog) on to max and blast the house with severe decibels of my favourite music.
When I feel anxious or low, I often don't feel like listening to music. It seems contrary to my mood to put anything on, unless it contains lyrics about sadness and frustration, but I've learnt that, usually, my mood lifts at least a little bit when I stick some of my favourite tracks on. I am a firm believer in the power that music can have on mood, and I've actually got to the point now where I start judging people I meet from what music they like. This is an unintended and frankly unwanted consequence of my love of music, but still.
Now, I enjoy listening to a vast array of genres, but my main passion lies in trance music. By that, I mean a sub-genre of dance music and not music that could be mistaken for a complimentary form of hypnotherapy. I accept that trance is often seen as an accompaniment to get people high on their favourite drug, but I love it for the music itself; so much passion and expression can come out in a trance song and because of the nature of its pace and drive it can really uplift your mood. I don't want this blog to turn into something that attempts to sell trance but it gets a lot of bad press before people have actually delved into it. Whatever, it works for me.
And I haven't yet turned to drugs.
But the genre is irrelevant; everyone has their own favourite genre and favourite song. My suggestion is to stick it on, loudly, next time you feel like crying or are in the early stages of a panic attack. I've found that the less you feel like listening to it, the more it can help.
Best wishes
Al
Granted, I should have done some research on this before blogging about it. Anyone who reads this blog with any frequency will soon get to understand that I don't do this...
Anyway, I say this about music because in my opinion it can be such a good remedy. Anxiety and depression is all about mood after all, and music is the most incredible tool for changing the way you feel. These days, if I feel anxious or low and I'm in an appropriate situation, I put my laptop on, turn my speakers (complete with sub-woofer, which to clarify is not a hyperactive dog) on to max and blast the house with severe decibels of my favourite music.
When I feel anxious or low, I often don't feel like listening to music. It seems contrary to my mood to put anything on, unless it contains lyrics about sadness and frustration, but I've learnt that, usually, my mood lifts at least a little bit when I stick some of my favourite tracks on. I am a firm believer in the power that music can have on mood, and I've actually got to the point now where I start judging people I meet from what music they like. This is an unintended and frankly unwanted consequence of my love of music, but still.
Now, I enjoy listening to a vast array of genres, but my main passion lies in trance music. By that, I mean a sub-genre of dance music and not music that could be mistaken for a complimentary form of hypnotherapy. I accept that trance is often seen as an accompaniment to get people high on their favourite drug, but I love it for the music itself; so much passion and expression can come out in a trance song and because of the nature of its pace and drive it can really uplift your mood. I don't want this blog to turn into something that attempts to sell trance but it gets a lot of bad press before people have actually delved into it. Whatever, it works for me.
And I haven't yet turned to drugs.
But the genre is irrelevant; everyone has their own favourite genre and favourite song. My suggestion is to stick it on, loudly, next time you feel like crying or are in the early stages of a panic attack. I've found that the less you feel like listening to it, the more it can help.
Best wishes
Al
Sunday 8 July 2012
Loneliness
Having anxiety and/or depression can be a very lonely place, and I mean literally as well as metaphorically. From what I have learnt from my own experience and heard from others, many people with anxiety feel that they are alone even if they are surrounded by loving family and friends. I think much of it must come down to this: if the people you're with don't 'understand' what you're going through, then you end up feeling you have no-one to talk to about the one thing you need to talk to someone about: your anxiety. Indeed, it can even make the problem worse, as you get frustrated by their impatience, intolerance or general vagueness towards your anxieties.
But I'm also talking about real loneliness, that can either cause anxiety or be caused by anxiety - usually a bit of both. I feel that I never made enough of an effort as a kid to join clubs and groups etc; "they're not for me" I always used to say. I suppose it didn't help that, when it comes to sport, I'm about as effective as an ice radiator. However, when groups became far more variable, i.e. more non-sport activities were available, I still didn't join up. This mainly happened at University; so many things came up but instead of trying a couple of things out or even staying behind to chat to people I'd started to get to know, I used to run off home on the next available train.
I think I did this because I had a fear of failure or being laughed at... years of low self-esteem from things like sport may have caused this. However, it was also caused by suffering from chronic panic disorder over a significant proportion of my life, which obviously made me worry that it would be flared up if I did something outside the bubble I had created.
Consequently, today, although I have great friends, I don't get many opportunities to socialise. I still met some great people at Uni but I'm not in touch with many of them now and they all live challenging distances away. My main friends all come from schooldays. But note - school and my course at Uni are the only two places I was ever going to make friends from, because this is all I ever did. Now, with my friends all moving on and, in some cases, away, I spend many a waking non-work hour sitting in my room, on my own. And I'm a people person - I love interacting with others, helping others etc - so I hate it when I only have my own company. And, of course, this also means more time to dwell on things, leading to... yup, an increase in anxiety.
I have been trying to rectify this, particularly since my serious anxiety (specified in earlier blogs and on HealthUnlocked) subsided. I've been trying to find things to do to get out there, meet new people and potentially make a difference. The problem is, I always seem to find obstacles... many of them justified, but some I can't feeling I'm purposely putting in the way. Why? Because that niggling low self-esteem 'you'll get laughed at' thought keeps rising to the surface. I have to learn it's got to be better than sitting in my room with my leg shaking because it feels like I need to break out and run around for a bit and do something.
I have a lot to give, and no-one to give it to. Take that as you will, innuendo or otherwise. It applies either way, sadly.
But in all seriousness, I really need to bite the bullet one day and, as a large multinational company have told us many times, 'just do it.' It's just finding the 'it' that's the problem.
Best wishes
Al
But I'm also talking about real loneliness, that can either cause anxiety or be caused by anxiety - usually a bit of both. I feel that I never made enough of an effort as a kid to join clubs and groups etc; "they're not for me" I always used to say. I suppose it didn't help that, when it comes to sport, I'm about as effective as an ice radiator. However, when groups became far more variable, i.e. more non-sport activities were available, I still didn't join up. This mainly happened at University; so many things came up but instead of trying a couple of things out or even staying behind to chat to people I'd started to get to know, I used to run off home on the next available train.
I think I did this because I had a fear of failure or being laughed at... years of low self-esteem from things like sport may have caused this. However, it was also caused by suffering from chronic panic disorder over a significant proportion of my life, which obviously made me worry that it would be flared up if I did something outside the bubble I had created.
Consequently, today, although I have great friends, I don't get many opportunities to socialise. I still met some great people at Uni but I'm not in touch with many of them now and they all live challenging distances away. My main friends all come from schooldays. But note - school and my course at Uni are the only two places I was ever going to make friends from, because this is all I ever did. Now, with my friends all moving on and, in some cases, away, I spend many a waking non-work hour sitting in my room, on my own. And I'm a people person - I love interacting with others, helping others etc - so I hate it when I only have my own company. And, of course, this also means more time to dwell on things, leading to... yup, an increase in anxiety.
I have been trying to rectify this, particularly since my serious anxiety (specified in earlier blogs and on HealthUnlocked) subsided. I've been trying to find things to do to get out there, meet new people and potentially make a difference. The problem is, I always seem to find obstacles... many of them justified, but some I can't feeling I'm purposely putting in the way. Why? Because that niggling low self-esteem 'you'll get laughed at' thought keeps rising to the surface. I have to learn it's got to be better than sitting in my room with my leg shaking because it feels like I need to break out and run around for a bit and do something.
I have a lot to give, and no-one to give it to. Take that as you will, innuendo or otherwise. It applies either way, sadly.
But in all seriousness, I really need to bite the bullet one day and, as a large multinational company have told us many times, 'just do it.' It's just finding the 'it' that's the problem.
Best wishes
Al
Sunday 1 July 2012
The Beta Blocker Blog
Over the course of the past 6-7 years, I have been on and off beta-blockers to try and stem anxiety attacks. The rationale for this was so that my heart rate was slower during times of panic, preventing a full-blown panic attack from occurring. I think they have worked relatively well for this; they don't alter your thoughts or your mood, and so don't necessarily prevent the attacks happening in the first place, but they do change the way your body reacts to panic and anxiety. Consequently, you may be less fearful of an attack and therefore become less likely to have one.
Obviously, one of the key things that occurs when you have a panic attack is an increase in heart rate. If the heart doesn't go quite as fast, then you don't panic quite as much... right? After all, by noticing your heart rate is racing away during an attack, you get even more anxious because you're worried that your heart is beating out of control.
OK, fine in theory. And yes, the Beta Blockers (Atenolol 50mg initially, now on 25mg) did help to an extent. When I had a panic attack, it was basically a bit less severe than before I started taking the meds.
The problem is I also have health anxiety, and I have an over-zealous preoccupation with the way my body is feeling at any given moment. Because of my panic disorder, one of the biggest preoccupations is with the heart. A combination of having numerous attacks in the past and a couple of people close to me who have died of a heart attack has caused this, I assume. It meant that, at first, when I felt particularly panicky, my heart was still relatively slow... prompting me to think that it was going to blow up or something. "Surely it has to be beating faster than this?" I kept musing. This caused more panic and therefore more of me over-analysing the heart. After a while the effect the BBs had overtook this ridiculous notion that my panic was actually going to explode out of somewhere, because it wasn't been accurately reflected in the heart rate.
Despite this, I still had an obsessive preoccupation with the heart rate. I always had in my head that 'if it beats fast it's bad news.' CBT has taught me to try and not listen to the heart (in a physical sense, not an emotional one of course), which has had mixed success. After all, I can't control the multitude of natural factors that cause natural changes to the heart rate in the first place. Once I had been taught this relatively effective and yet blindingly obvious technique, I came down from 50mg to 25mg. I'm still scared to come off them completely though, for fear that I become more vulnerable to panic attacks again.
BBs are used for people with a heart attack history, and yet I was given them for panic attacks. Is it not possible, therefore, that being prescribed BBs has actually exacerbated my preoccupation with the heart and therefore the health anxiety?
My advice would be, in hindsight, as follows:
1) Yes, BBs for panic attacks may help, but
2) You might want to discuss with a therapist whether they would advise taking them if you also have health anxiety. Purposely altering the way a relatively vital organ (relatively? wrote this then realised it was stupid, but thought I'd keep it in for a much needed laugh...) works is not advised for someone with HA I wouldn't have thought.
No doubt I will update on this blog in future how my progress with coming off the BBs will go... if indeed I ever get to that stage.
Best wishes
Al
Obviously, one of the key things that occurs when you have a panic attack is an increase in heart rate. If the heart doesn't go quite as fast, then you don't panic quite as much... right? After all, by noticing your heart rate is racing away during an attack, you get even more anxious because you're worried that your heart is beating out of control.
OK, fine in theory. And yes, the Beta Blockers (Atenolol 50mg initially, now on 25mg) did help to an extent. When I had a panic attack, it was basically a bit less severe than before I started taking the meds.
The problem is I also have health anxiety, and I have an over-zealous preoccupation with the way my body is feeling at any given moment. Because of my panic disorder, one of the biggest preoccupations is with the heart. A combination of having numerous attacks in the past and a couple of people close to me who have died of a heart attack has caused this, I assume. It meant that, at first, when I felt particularly panicky, my heart was still relatively slow... prompting me to think that it was going to blow up or something. "Surely it has to be beating faster than this?" I kept musing. This caused more panic and therefore more of me over-analysing the heart. After a while the effect the BBs had overtook this ridiculous notion that my panic was actually going to explode out of somewhere, because it wasn't been accurately reflected in the heart rate.
Despite this, I still had an obsessive preoccupation with the heart rate. I always had in my head that 'if it beats fast it's bad news.' CBT has taught me to try and not listen to the heart (in a physical sense, not an emotional one of course), which has had mixed success. After all, I can't control the multitude of natural factors that cause natural changes to the heart rate in the first place. Once I had been taught this relatively effective and yet blindingly obvious technique, I came down from 50mg to 25mg. I'm still scared to come off them completely though, for fear that I become more vulnerable to panic attacks again.
BBs are used for people with a heart attack history, and yet I was given them for panic attacks. Is it not possible, therefore, that being prescribed BBs has actually exacerbated my preoccupation with the heart and therefore the health anxiety?
My advice would be, in hindsight, as follows:
1) Yes, BBs for panic attacks may help, but
2) You might want to discuss with a therapist whether they would advise taking them if you also have health anxiety. Purposely altering the way a relatively vital organ (relatively? wrote this then realised it was stupid, but thought I'd keep it in for a much needed laugh...) works is not advised for someone with HA I wouldn't have thought.
No doubt I will update on this blog in future how my progress with coming off the BBs will go... if indeed I ever get to that stage.
Best wishes
Al
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