Pizza Off

I posted a blog fairly recently about my problems with eating out.  Somehow, I have managed to avoid an evening meal out, bar the odd takeaway in a pub (don’t ask) for getting on for a year.  But this is all about to change.



Pizza Express, or 'hell,' Stafford



*Dramatic drum music, with fanfare*

A week on Friday, there is a meal out planned for someone’s work leaving do.  Given the economic climate, there have been many leaving dos lately and all of them have had meals involved.  I, however, have always ‘just gone out for drinks afterwards’ as I have ‘things I need to do’ beforehand. 

Basically, I’ve lied to get out of it.  I’ve had a reality check this time though.  Why should I have to lie to get out of an occasion simply because it might not agree with anxiety? 

But this particular meal out is going to be hard.  It’s at Pizza Express in Stafford, which is actually a nice venue for a meal out.  But this particular restaurant has a pretty big stigma attached to it.  I remember, eight years ago now, there was a meal at P.E that involved quite a few people, at which I had my first major ‘struggling’ episode in terms of eating out (see previous blog), which put me off eating for a long time subsequently.  Of course at the time, I didn’t really know what was going on, which made it all the worse. 

I’ve also had a couple of less major ‘struggles’ at P.E since this incident, which have meant, all in all, I don’t like going there.

So after I agreed to challenge myself by going for a meal out, when it transpired that it was going to be at P.E, I raised an eyebrow awry in ‘sod’s law’ irony. 

The main thing I have to do is remember that, actually, people aren’t going to be focusing on me; they will be focusing on the person who is leaving.  So why should there be any pressure on me?  Easier said than done, of course...

I’m not really sure what I’m feeling about it.  Ask me this time next week.  But what I do know is that it is a challenge that I feel I need to set myself, so I can move on into the future...

...into the future, where, on 21 December, I will be attending a Christmas meal at another venue in Stafford. 

Hurrah!

Merry Christmas and a happy pizzeria.

Best wishes

Al

Anxiety Bites 1

I didn't have one specific topic that I wanted to blog about, so I thought I'd give you a snapshot of my recent thoughts.

Holiday of a Lifetime
I went for a 3-day caravan break to Wales at the end of September.  Most people would consider their lives to be in a sad state of affairs if this was their main holiday, but for me, the achievement of even getting on the train to Borth from Stafford (3 hours) was a huge one.  I am pleased to report I was fine, and I was actually able to enjoy the break, so much so that I didn't want to go back.  I went with my good friend and we walked 17 miles in two days, and we even had the weather to go with it!
I think the reason for the success is because there was no pressure.  My friend knows about my anxiety conditions and I know that I could talk to him if I needed, which helps.  There was no eating out involved; instead we cooked every night so I had more control over what and how much we ate.  I learnt a lot about what my 'type' of holiday is from this trip, and I'm ready to go away again!

What If You're Actually Ill?
As explained on numerous occasions, I have health anxiety; I become so convinced that I'm getting something serious that it can cause great anxiety, making me feel physically ill... and so the cycle starts again.  But what if I actually get a physical illness?  I speak at present as I have a severe cold - I always get severe colds, often combined with pharyngitis (not nice) and sinus problems, and historically I've always had my fair share of colds - possibly due to anxiety messing with my immune system.  I do get a bit anxious when I get a cold, such as 'what if I can't breathe when I'm asleep' etc etc, but I've always wondered how I would react psychologically if I did get a relatively serious illness.  Hopefully it's something I'll never have to experience.

Compassion Knows No Bounds?
I have learnt over the past year that compassion can alleviate anxiety.  I'm not totally convinced that this is true if you're in the grip of a panic attack, but it certainly provides one with a sense of positivity and happiness, which can only be a good thing.  The downside to attempting to be more compassionate is that, when you make a mistake, you feel really bad about yourself.  I unnecessarily ranted about there not being any tea for visitors to our workplace last week, and, without really realising it, I was aiming it at people who didn't deserve to be at the forefront of my unjustified rage.  When I discovered they were upset by it, I became upset too which actually increased my anxiety!  I guess the answer is to think before you act in every situation - compassion can reap great rewards whether you have anxiety or not, but only if it is embedded into every situation. 

Right, time to go back to attending to my man flu.

Best wishes
Al