5: Anxiety@ Work

The next blog in my 'Anxiety @' series focuses on coping at work with anxiety.  I get the impression from people I know, people I've read about and people on Twitter that work is one of the biggest triggers, sources and persistent causes of anxiety for many people, which is hardly surprising given what work can throw at you:

1. A job you find very boring or dull.

2. Staff members who are irritating or not very nice.

3. A commute that you may have to take to get you to this place of boredom and horrible people.

4. In a time of cuts, having to cope with your job being under threat all the time.

5. In a time of cuts, having to do four people's job and being too busy.

6. Getting paid peanuts.

7. Being passionate about a job, meaning you get easily angry and irritated with yourself if things don't go right.

Insert stereotypical, patronising image here

I guarantee everyone reading this will have to deal with at least one of these when you next go into work.  For the record, mine are 3 and 7, but also 5 - not because of cuts fortunately, but because my boss decided to throw herself down her stairs at home and will be off work for 6 weeks consequently.  But you get the idea.

I've been in full-time work for over six years now and in that time I've come across many people who I either know quite well or vaguely well who have had to take a few weeks off with stress.  Now, I haven't got a dictionary in front of me, but I deem stress to be a condition that is temporary.  Yes it can be very nasty when it happens and cause you to feel weak, pathetic and can have a significant impact on your quality of life, but usually only temporarily.  This is the key word.  Anxiety and stress are words that are brandished around as meaning the same thing, where, as I'm sure everyone reading this will appreciate, anxiety is a totally different ball game.  It is something that usually lasts for a lot longer, or keeps returning on a relatively frequent basis, and affects most aspects of your life.  Taking time off work, for example, wouldn't necessarily heal an anxiety condition, as it can start to affect the rest of your life even if it started at work.  I mean, taking time off work probably wouldn't help as the rest of the time you're equally as worried about your next social occasion or that mole on your arm that you swear wasn't there yesterday.

So what this blog aims to describe is how I've managed work given that I already had an anxiety condition in the first place.  The 'Anxiety @' series has already detailed my experiences at school and University and shows that when I first started my employment in 2008, I was already well versed at being twatted on by the symptoms of anxiety.

I will emphasise that, from the outset, I have been lucky when it comes to work, for two main reasons.  Firstly, I have a job in a field that I am passionate about.  In these days of cuts, that's not a common occurrence and I have friends who are one-hundred times more intelligent than me who have struggled for the last few years to even get a job, let alone one that they enjoy.  Secondly, I've only ever had one what I would call 'proper' interview for a job in my life, and that was just over a year ago.  Had I had this a year before (or earlier), I probably wouldn't have been able to cope, especially given I had to catch the train to have the interview in the first place.  My first job was a graduate placement that I knew was only temporary and was almost like an extension of University, as I was basically researching and writing a report.  So my 'interview' was just an informal meeting with a couple of staff members at the organisation.  2008 was one of my better years for anxiety, too, between 1997 and today so that also made it easier.

Don't get me wrong, it wasn't perfect.  I was obviously nervous early on, and by nervous I don't mean 'normal person nervous,' I mean 'I have an anxiety condition' nervous.  Anxious people don't get butterflies, they get flying ostriches.  Anyway, eating was a problem, as always and it soon dawned on me that the person I sat next to in the office didn't say two words to me, or anyone else for that matter.  So it made it an uncomfortable start, as someone with social anxiety who finds it difficult to converse with over and under-confident people (and, in fact, people in between).  I remember on my first day I was absolutely desperate for the loo.  I mean, they nearly had to phone up the water board due to unspecified leaks.  And yet I was so nervous about even asking whether I could leave this inception meeting I was in to go that I had to hold on.

Lesson 1: Don't be frightened to ask your manager or colleagues something, anything - particularly if it's toilet related.

Anyway it subsided and the rest of the placement was okay and didn't produce too many anxiety-producing moments.  A few months later, I started work experience at my next place of work, where I ended up staying until about a year ago (Jan 2014).  I would say that the worst time over this period was whenever I went out on a social occasion with these people.  Eating out being the main reason (see previous blog), but also the people made nights out into the worst possible trigger for social anxiety it was untrue.  But work itself was manageable, except for in 2011.

Anyone who regularly visits this blog will know that 2011 was the worst year for me, after that Cornwall incident in March of that year.  The whole year subsequently was a living hell, and that included work.  For a start, I could barely leave the house, so just travelling the (then) short distance to work raised my anxiety levels.  I had to cancel meetings that I didn't need, as my panic disorder was so severe at that point that any contact I had with others would automatically make me assume that I would have a panic attack in such a situation (which I genuinely would have, so at least the fear was rational).  I vividly remember catching the bus to a meeting (yep... because I don't drive) which was quite far away and panicking all the way there and barely being able to conduct the meeting when I arrived.  This happened a few times over this period.

I also remember a presentation I had to give in front of around 50 people.  Now, presentations for work, oddly, I'm generally okay with (for reasons I won't go into now because it'd extend the blog length too much), but this one was bad timing and in front of a particularly large audience.  It was horrific.  I was focusing purely on my heart rate, listening for anything I deemed odd, and of course it was beating fast.  I did the talk, but with literally weeks of heightened anxiety before it in anticipation.  I garbled through most of the presentation but at least I did it.  But in this case, the pain I went through outweighed the success of doing it, instead of the other way round.

Lesson 2: Don't be scared to opt out of certain things if you don't feel comfortable.  

Then there was one lunchtime that I broke down and driven home by a colleague.  I blurted out to my boss about anxiety and the fact that this was a long-term problem. The next day I was called into a meeting by my boss and team manager to be told all about 'stress.'  Going back to my earlier point, it was difficult not getting quite angry about this, although in fairness to them they were just trying their best.  I also feared that I would be 'signed off' for a while, but fortunately this did not happen.

Gradually, via my therapy, my work actually became my haven a little.  I was more comfortable there than in social situations.  I can talk to people at work about work, a subject I know a fair bit about and am comfortable with.  Social situations involved pretending to be someone I'm not, otherwise feeling insignificant.  I was getting better at my job and more independent, which made me confident, and this happened hand in hand with my therapy which was gradually helping me.  Don't get me wrong, there were still moments of discomfort, as there is with anything when you have a chronic anxiety condition. Towards the end of this job, 2013-14, I was improving generally and the work situation had improved, as I temporarily had a different, better boss, a colleague who became a good friend and some other decent people around me.  The job was my own and although I was busy I was enjoying it.  All this positivity from the people perspective was only temporary (maternity cover), but then my current job was advertised...

Lesson 3: When choosing a job, try and get to know your team and the people you'd be working with beforehand, even if it's just briefly.  This is as important as any aspect of any job, as working in a team of people you don't like can make even a job that you enjoy difficult.

Late 2013 it was: this was the first job I'd applied for where I thought I'd have a slim chance of getting it.  There was no point applying much before this as, as I mentioned before, there's no way I could have gone through with such a big change, or indeed the interview in the first place.  But the reality is, I still have an anxiety condition - so how exactly did I cope with the interview?

1) Take the train before the train before the train before I needed to, to minimise stress.

2) Take items, such as my tablet, book, phone, music, paper, food, water etc that I might need for 'comfort.'

3) Plan the route from the station to the interview venue.

4) Concentrate on breathing at all times, even when I didn't feel like it.

Notice that these tips have nothing to do with the interview itself - they are simple mechanisms that I now try and employ before anything slightly out of the ordinary - conferences, social events, travelling anywhere - it just makes it that bit easier.  I think the other thing is not to make it a big deal - I knew if I didn't get this job it wouldn't be the end of the world, which relaxed me somewhat.

I appreciate that not everyone is in this boat - some people go for interviews and they need to be successful for the sake of being able to live properly.  That takes me back to one of my first points - I am lucky, not just to have got the jobs I got prior to my current one, but also to have a comfortable background to fall back on if things do go tits up.  I do fully appreciate not everyone has this background stability which, although may have caused some of my underlying anxiety, has also helped to manage it and stopped these sort of situations from being critical.  However, that isn't to say the above tips should be ignored, as they will help a bit - at least.

Lesson 4: Practice interviews.  It's never the same as the real thing, but can help if prepare you a little.  If you have to travel for an interview, take the journey in advance, just to practice it - as daft as it sounds.

I have been in this current job for a year.  The worst bit about it is the commute which I get very irritated by, in terms of incompetence of our railway system.  The second worst bit is the amount of work, which at present is even more significant given one of our four staff members is on long term sick (not due to stress, I hasten to add).  Because I am a perfectionist and I'm passionate about my job and have a fear of letting people down, I want to make sure I please everyone and do everything, so I end up working far more hours than I'm paid for.  This, of course, can make you stressed - and when you have a chronic anxiety condition, stress doesn't really exist.  It quickly turns into something more sinister... and we go full circle.

But work for me has, at times, been a blessing rather than a cause of anxiety.  It keeps me sane, because boredom gives my mind too much time to wander into dangerous territory, and is where I'm at my most confident.  So although it has been difficult at times, overall I would say the benefits of my jobs have outweighed the negatives.

Apologies for the ramble; these 'Anxiety @' blogs are lengthy as I'm trying to go through several years' worth of experience in one go.  Some more coming up, which should be shorter affairs, are as follows (in no particular order):

Anxiety @ The Railway Station
Anxiety @ A Shared House
Anxiety @ The Pub
Anxiety @ The Doctors

Sounds like a series of children's books.

Best wishes
Al

4: Anxiety@ The Restaurant

First of all, I would like to wish all of my readers a very Happy New Year, and I hope you had an anxiety-free Christmas.  I have found that New Year is quite a difficult time, where you have a combination of people enjoying themselves (aka getting smashed) and making pie in the sky resolutions, which make people who can't even begin to consider such possibilities (i.e. if you have an anxiety, or other mental health, condition) feel low and worthless.  So I now tend to treat it as just another day.  So it is happy Thursday this year and we'll see what 2015 brings.  I considered doing a 'review of 2014,' or a 'preview of 2015' blog, but I decided against it in the end, to reinforce my belief in relieving the pressure at this time of year.

It's rarely like this...

So as such, I am going to continue with my 'Anxiety @' series and gladly, for me, 'at the restaurant' makes more sense than 'at the holiday home,' my last effort.

This may seem like an odd inclusion in this series; previous topics have been about dealing with anxiety in big scenarios that take up a significant proportion of your life.  Holidays can come around fairly frequently and last for a couple of weeks on end and can involve plenty of travelling.  University lasted non-stop for three years and school lasted for fourteen years!  Eating out in a restaurant only lasts a couple of hours and doesn't necessarily happen particularly frequently.

However, eating out has caused me so many problems in the past that I feel it is more than worthy of a separate entry. You will notice if you read the previous three 'Anxiety @' blog posts that eating out appears as a problem that has been apparent during all of school, University and holidays.  You will also notice that I have written blogs about this before back in 2012 and 2013.  So it's a persistent problem that has plagued me for many years.  I'm still waiting to find someone, among the myriad of us anxious nutters, who has struggled in particular with eating out.

In the 2012 blog that I mentioned above, I try and work out why it is that this has been a problem for me.  It took me many years to work out that it was connected to my overall anxiety condition; I went for a long time thinking it was some sort of eating disorder that I had, but for it to only usually affect eating out made this scenario unlikely.  The 2013 blog I mention above provides you with a case study of one of the many (and one of the worst) incidences I could write about in relation to eating out.  I'd recommend reading both of these before continuing reading this blog as they sum up the problem quite nicely.

Without wanting to repeat the content of these blogs, I think eating out is one of the most consistent themes I have mentioned on this website since its inception.  Look how many blogs appear when you type 'eating out' in the search box in the top right corner.  It has caused me years of social misery and at the worst times has also affected my eating in general, affecting my physical health and then consequently my health anxiety condition.  You get the picture.

In the aforementioned 2013 blog, I wrote:


"I've since learnt it's all down to some bizarre anxiety that to this day still baffles me a bit."

In other words, I don't really know why my anxiety condition particularly has a problem with eating out.  My 2012 blog does a reasonable job at working it out, and to sum it up I think it is largely down to pressure.  I'm a perfectionist, a fussy eater and someone who doesn't deal well with certain pressure situations where you are expected to behave in a certain manner.  Therefore, in simple terms, if you combine these factors and put them into a person with chronic anxiety, it's no real wonder that I've struggled with eating out.  

However, writing this particular blog now is quite timely.  Not because the eating out problem is currently making a big impact on my life - quite the opposite, in fact.  I've been on my Christmas break since 17th December and for me this is the most social time of year.  During this period, I have eaten out a total of seven times, and have two more occasions to go before I start back at work on 5th January.  Each time I have been fine and the only case of slight anxiety came when I was away in Yorkshire (see previous blog) where I did wonder a couple of times whether I'd be able to cope.  But not only have I managed to eat everything, I've done it with very few anxious thoughts at all and have even asked for dessert on a few occasions!

As such, I thought I'd focus this blog on trying to work out why this is the case.  What's going on?  How can eating out almost be impossible for years and, for now at least, be okay?  My musings are as follows - and please use some of these as the equivalent 'lessons' that I have included on the previous 'Anxiety @' blogs!

1) My anxiety as a whole has declined over the past couple of years, thanks to numerous reasons.  This, I presume, has led to a general calmness in situations that would have led me to panic in the past, such as eating out.

2) To follow on from point 1, the CBT techniques that I have learnt via my therapist that I saw in 2011-12 have helped when applied in certain situations, eating out being one of them.  These include:

+ Concentrating on breathing, particularly important when eating as the simple act of eating can make it harder to breathe in the first place.

+ Rationalising about the social occasion (difficult and I know it sounds far-fetched, but it does work quite well after plenty of practice).

+ Focus on the conversation that you are having with the person/people you're with, listen intently to what they are saying and join in - as a way of taking your mind off the eating.

+ If this fails, do some people watching for the same purpose!

There may be others, but you get the point.  

3) "You can't beat traditional English cuisine."  This is what I say whenever I'm eating out, as I usually order fish and chips, a burger or sausage and mash.  You can have a laugh about it, whilst your friend orders the quails eggs, the Thai curry or the blue venison.  My point is, order something you know you like, and don't feel pressured to order something 'fancy' just because it's the 'in' thing to do, or because someone else is.  That makes me really uncomfortable because there is then more pressure to enjoy it and thus a higher chance of experiencing food related panic.  Food needs to be kept simple in these situations.  Order what you like, not what other people want you to like.  

4) Only frequent a restaurant with comfortable people.  I may boast above about eating out seven times already this festive break, but all of these occasions have been with 'comfortable' people; by that, I largely mean people who know I have an anxiety condition and who I can trust to be open and honest with if I did struggle.  This makes the likelihood of struggling less in the first place.  Comfortable people can also include those who may not know about your condition, but are quite laid-back in social situations and don't care or pay attention to things like how much you've eaten.  To this day, I still don't eat out with a few people who, by no fault of their own, put too much pressure on me when in eating out situations.


5) There is still an element of avoidance in terms of places I choose to eat.  Pizza Express, for example, is a no go.  Usually I can control where I eat - all of the places I have eaten out at during this festive break have been pubs that do a variety of traditional food (see point 3).  Whilst pizza is usually a comfortable food for me, because of my past experiences with Pizza Express, I know that arranging a meal here would be harder to go through with, due to the natural associations the mind makes.  I'd have to eat there about ten successful times before it became comfortable, potentially.  My point is, where possible, choose to eat out where you can and where simple things like restaurant smells or sounds don't conjure up bad experiences.

6) Drink plenty of water beforehand and during the meal.  One of things I noticed when I was struggling in an eating out situation was how dry my mouth was, which of course made it even more difficult to eat.  I now always order a tap water for me or a jug for the table in addition to whatever drink I am having.  I also drink a glass of water just before heading out.  And so what if this means you need the loo whilst at the restaurant? This can also help you by taking some time out of the situation.


7) Fart.  Okay, so you might think I have left this one until last because it's a less serious one.  And granted it has quite amusing connotations.  But farting, silently and subtly of course, releases trapped gas and can make you feel more physically comfortable during eating and thus more able to stomach your meal.  However, don't let rip an explosive one that registers on the Richter scale, otherwise this may lead to other social anxiety issues.

I'm actually enjoying eating out the moment.  As nonsensical as it sounds, I've spent so much of my life either avoiding eating out or going through hell when I do so, that to be able to eat out with minimal anxiety is such a wonderful experience.  That is one great thing about anxiety: when it disappears from a certain situation, either permanently or just temporarily, it makes things that others take for granted so pleasurable and enjoyable.

And that is the one positive of anxiety: it can make you so grateful for what you have and what you can do with your life.  Embrace it whilst it lasts.

Best wishes
Al

3: Anxiety@ The Holiday Home

What I didn't appreciate is that the title 'Anxiety@' isn't necessarily appropriate in all cases - Anxiety On would have been better to complement 'Anxiety On Holiday' rather than the loosely connected @ 'The Holiday Home,' whereas in fact the actual place I stay in isn't necessarily the problem.  You see, try and be clever and look what happens.

Barca - one of the better 'holiday' experiences

Anyway,

I have blogged numerous times on this website, which is nearing two and a half years old now, about how my chronic anxiety condition has affected many things in my life that most other people who have grown up with a similar background to me take for granted - and holidays are one of these.  There aren't too many people who I know who don't go on holiday at least once a year - they manage to find a way to do it even in times of austerity.  And of course, these days, you hear all about it due to the various social networking platforms that people can shout about it - or brag - on.  This doesn't help with the pressure and the horrible sinking feeling you have that you've missed out on some incredible trips around the world to swim with dolphins, experience the Big Apple or even have a jolly to Skegness.

Lesson 1: Try and ignore this element of the social media phenomenon.  If people keep posting things about their wonderful lives, hide future posts from them.

Holidays are supposed to be adventurous, relaxing, exciting and something to look forward to.  I will start by saying that I have managed to go on a holiday in each of the last three years, each time to Welsh Coast, with a very good friend of mine.  Although I'd love to explore some other countries, I doubt there would be many places that would beat this for scenery and serenity.  The Welsh coast is an incredible place to go and stay and is one of the few places I've come across that I can actually at least partially relax for a while.

Lesson 2: Don't feel that a holiday in the country that you live is not a holiday, or feel belittled by people who negatively compare such holidays to ones abroad.  

This achievement of going to Wales - and it is an achievement, as this blog (and others) will explain - is something I certainly don't take at all for granted, and I'm grateful for the rail link for existing that far out into the sticks and for my friend for joining me.  Without him, such trips would probably not happen.  But the fact remains that there are still plenty of places that I wish I could go, or could have gone to, but that I fear that the elation of visiting such a place would be sadly outweighed by the mental strain I would have to put myself through both before, during and potentially a long time afterwards.

I mean for goodness sake, my worst panic attack in history happened following a one night trip to somewhere in the same country, so what chance would I have going abroad somewhere for a week or more?

But why do holidays in particular cause me so much distress?

Well it all started in 1996 (I've blogged about the incident before).  In summary, I was on holiday with my parents (I was 8-9 years old at the time) when I experienced my first panic attack, that I remember at least.  This kind of set a precedent, and I remember vividly the year after going somewhere else and having more panic attacks. My parents were taken aback by this occurrence the first time let alone the second, but of course they still wanted to go on holiday.  So the following year, 1998, they brought my best friend along as well, which worked.  Believe it or not, every holiday I went on, usually once a year, occasionally twice, my best friend came with me - all the way up to 2005.  Obviously it was great that my best mate came with me and we always had a great laugh and generally a relaxing time.  Anxiety made some fleeting appearances, usually in the evenings after I'd gone to bed, but rarely caused me any persistent problems.  My friend was the distraction I needed.

Lesson 3: If you can bring a 'safe' friend with you on a family holiday, do so - anything to relieve the pressure.

It did mean, however, that the first time I went away without him would be a test - and this came in 2008.  Now, this wasn't a holiday, but a fieldtrip with my University course.  For the purposes of this blog it's the same thing, as it involves a trip away to uncertain climes and with no best friend in tow this time.  And not including Ireland and Guernsey, it was the first time I'd been abroad - Barcelona awaited.  Fortunately - and I mean that as I'm not sure if I can assign the reason for this to anything in particular - I was going through a reasonable spell at this particular juncture of my life.  Apart from the past year or two, Late 2007 to March 2011 was probably the best time for me anxiety-wise.  Sure things were difficult, but the panic had become a lot less and my main problem at this point was eating out.

Consequently, Barca was tolerable.  Eating was a problem, and I didn't eat much for the 6 days we were there, but the pressure was less because other people I was with didn't agree with the food either.  I think what also helped was the fact that we were kept so busy with work that this kept my mind off ruminations.  By this point, I'd also made a few decent friends, a couple of whom were within the 'safe' category, which obviously helped me get by.  Don't get me wrong, I was on edge most of the time and the odd social occasion we did get was spoilt by a lack of confidence that I didn't suffer from as badly when discussing work matters, but still, overall it could have been a lot worse.

A quick word on flying - I don't have a fear of flying.  However, I do have anxiety, so I have a fear of most things - flying being one of them.  It's just not the same reason most people 'fear' flying.  

Sadly, trips subsequent to Barcelona have been few and far between and those that I have been on haven't gone so well.  Take a short, three night trip to the Lake District in 2009, for example.  Ironically, this trip was made with my friend who I mentioned came with us all those times between 1998 and 2005.  The main problem on this particular trip was also primarily about eating; we were staying in a B&B, and the first morning we sat down to breakfast and I had to leave the table otherwise a panic attack would have occurred.  I can't stomach much at breakfast anyway and the woman serving was one of those who felt she had to comment on what people ordered etc. So needless to say what I did order I couldn't eat and the spiralling feeling of panic just got worse as breakfast time unfolded.  And despite this, I still tried to go down and eat on each of the subsequent two mornings, because that's what anxiety does - it makes you stubborn, and think you should be able to do something that everyone else takes for granted, despite the pain you are forced to go through.

Lesson 4: Try not to worry what other people will 'think' if you go against what is seen as 'normal' practice - e.g. going down for breakfast at a B&B.

This led to an anxious break full stop, thinking of the next time I would have to eat - or not.  I vividly remember being able to eat fine when we stopped for lunch - at a service station on the way back.  It was the relief of getting out of unfamiliar circumstances and out of a pressure scenario.  But this food thing, whatever type of anxiety it really is, has more of an effect than it sounds via the written word. 

Lesson 5: In parallel with lesson 4, don't feel forced into doing things that are uncomfortable, even if it goes against what is 'expected of you' on a holiday. 

And I think this is the problem.  There is pressure on a holiday to do specific things and to enjoy yourself all the time.  There is pressure to have large breakfasts, relax on a beach, eat posh food.  Some people can switch into 'holiday mode' quite easily; for people with anxiety a holiday can merely be a path towards a week of misery.  

For me, it all came to a head of course in March 2011.  I won't go into it again, but this had all the ingredients for a disaster, in hindsight.  Alone; longest train journey ever; B&B and food pressure; potentially making a decision that affected my long-term future... etc.  Even smaller things like being too hot given the unseasonable weather (it was 22 degrees in March) didn't help.  Again, this wasn't a holiday as such, but the same pressures came about.  As it is, I probably needed that incident to turn my life around, but I still had to go through well over a year of hell subsequently.  

Going to Wales, like I have in autumn 2012, 2013 and 2014, has been a success.  I've been with a 'safe' person, been self-catering and done things I want to do, like walking.  It's not been a total relaxation-fest, but nothing is for me, so to say I got through it would be seen as a success.  I'm shortly (next week) going on a pre-Christmas trip which involves staying in a B&B, so this will be a challenge - but one I need to embrace.  I need to ensure that I can do something as straightforward as stay in a catered for accommodation and survive.  I need to do things my way and not bow to pressure.  I'll be sure to report back how it goes.  

Best wishes
Al

2: Anxiety@ School

Probably the longest blog I've ever written - apologies in advance! Fourteen years is a lot to write about in one blog...

Entrance to my high school

I think the best way that I would sum up my general state whilst at school would be like living in a glass box that contained all sorts of horrible thoughts and painful anxieties.  Occasionally this box would open, allowing me to enjoy the social aspects of growing up that school could offer, but even then these intangible objects from the box would follow me around.  And then I'd get locked back inside the box again.  It's made of glass, because I could see everything going on around me,  but just couldn't enjoy it because of how restricted and encased I felt living with anxiety whilst at school.

I won't dwell too much on primary school as I started it 23 years ago.  Wow.  1991.  Wow.  Anyway, what I think sums it up is the first memory that I remember, not just at school but practically in life.  It was day one of primary school and I needed to ask the teacher a question, and needless to say I was shy and tentative.  And I remember a fellow pupil (who turned out to be a right t**t in high school, but that's another issue entirely) saying "you're very quiet aren't you?"  We were four years old.  And yet I remember that like it was only yesterday.  How much impact those sort of memories have on someone is psychology beyond my capability, but one could argue the signs were there even from that age.

I remember primary school lunchtimes for me were often alone, standing in a quiet corner of the playground not playing with anyone else.  My best friend was - and still is - a great friend, but someone who was quite happy playing with his other friends, which is perfectly acceptable quite frankly at that age.  I was the sort of pupil who'd rather have the attention of the teachers than my fellow pupils.

Where am I with bullying?  I can't say I was bullied in primary school particularly badly, but I was always an easy target because of the way I was and because I acted 'differently' to most other kids.  Some "friends" were fine with me when I was with them alone, but took the mick when other 'cooler' kids were in their company.  My absurd sensitivity to such things may have had more of an affect on me than I realise.

Where all this sensitivity and loner-ness came from is another blog's worth of analysis, frankly.  I have my ideas, but overall I still believe it's partly conditioning and partly genetic.

All of this came to a head in 1997 when I started repeating to God - as someone who isn't religious - that I didn't want to die.  There followed a holiday around this time when we had to leave early because I was so anxious the whole time, crying constantly and feeling ill.  Not directly school-related, no, but you can tell that even back in my later days of primary school I was having problems.  In 1998 I saw a therapist.  But given I nor my parents really knew what 'condition' I had back then the therapy didn't have any effect (and I saw the same therapist again in 2007 and, well, chocolate and fireguard springs to mind).

(I remember my dad saying, the day after we came back off that aforementioned holiday - "why is he still behaving like this, we're back home now."  Sadly, none of us knew at this stage that this was the onset of a chronic condition that seventeen years later I still have to manage).

Then whilst all this was going on, it was time to go to high school...

I remember crying a lot when I first started at high school, which isn't that surprising I suppose but at the time just the change and the 'meeting new people' thing was far too overwhelming for me to deal with.  I don't remember exactly what I went through back in year seven, the first year, but I am certain that I was very much a recluse, meeting about two new friends only and beyond that just going from one lesson to another, nervous and in fear.  Examples include:

- Just sitting at the table with 'new' people in an English lesson trying my best to hold back tears.

- Doing PE (one of my favourite subjects... cough) in the gym and being bad at whatever it was we were doing compared to most, and crying as a result and having to make something up to pretend I wasn't pathetic enough to cry at something like that.

- Alienating anyone who could have potentially been my friend by either not talking to them or being angry with them for no reason.  I have no idea why.

At this point I must mention this.  In my last blog about University, I flagged up a series of lessons and tips that I'd learnt from my own experience.  Combating primary school and how to begin high school with anxiety is very difficult for me to draw lessons from, a) because it was a long time ago and b) because I don't really know what sort of advice I would give, save something pointless like "try and be more confident."  And moreover, the chances of anyone reading this under the age of 12 who is intelligent enough to know that they have an anxiety problem and deal with it, isn't remarkably high.  Lessons will come later.

My main concern in the first couple of years of high school was trying to be good at schoolwork and getting praise from teachers.  I didn't particularly like who I was back then, not that it really matters who you are when you're that young, within reason.  The key moment then, around 1999, was when my best primary school friend that I mentioned previously, moved away from my town and therefore my school, and this hit me hard. The last thing someone with anxiety needs is for their most trusted ally to move away.  The other two friends I'd made at high school I had, fortunately, made good friends with, but this move made any lessons without them difficult.

But if the first three years of high school were just about being nervous and under-confident and living mostly in isolation, it all got quite a lot worse at the start of GCSE, back in 2001. For a start, I started dreading certain lessons.  I made some strange choices of GCSE subjects.  Doing French and German was bad enough in itself, but this also meant I was put with the other half of our year for other lessons, for some unknown reason.  I didn't know anyone then, so the few friends I had made were always in different lessons from this point.  I hardly enjoyed any lessons and then there was the whole huge pressure of GCSE's.  Small fry now of course, but back then this was everything.  But there were two really key issues with GCSE years.  

1) Choosing to do Music GCSE.  For some reason I decided to do music GCSE.  Why?!  I couldn't really read music or play an instrument, but I was at an acceptable amateur level at creating tracks via computer software - something I still enjoy to this day.  I was told initially I could do this as part of my course, but no... instead for reasons I won't go into, they decided to make me play the recorder.  Possibly the only instrument that you can play and get the piss taken out of you about.  And not only that, I was crap at playing it and I had no desire to improve.  So this in itself was a confidence hit, but of course such is the nature of doing a music course, you were made to perform frequently, both in front of others and in exam conditions.  Even if I had have been a good recorder player, this would have been a nightmare... but because I was also terrible, my confidence just hit an all time low and the panic I went through prior to any sort of performance was unbearable.

Lesson 1: Choose the correct subjects.  I wish I'd chosen very differently and this could have made the difference between having a decent year or a terrible one.  Choose those subjects you enjoy and that you want to do, not what people think you should do.  This goes for GCSEs, A-Levels and even University courses.

2) The other main problem with GCSE years comes back to me being put with the other half of the year.  Not only was I not in lessons with the few friends I'd made, but I was put with a bunch of bullies - quite literally.  I mentioned bullying earlier.  I will never stand up and say 'I was bullied,' but really I should, because the piss taking and name-calling I had to endure throughout these two years was unacceptable.  I had several lessons with this bunch of low-lives - ironically, music wasn't one of them - and as a result each one was miserable, at best. 

Lesson 2: Bullying isn't acceptable.  Tell someone about it.  I know that can lead to problems in itself, but not telling someone did nothing for me so if I had the time again, I would tell someone about it.  Teacher, tutor, friend, parent, whoever.  Bullying can lead to places that are unthinkable, so tell someone, even if you think it's trivial.  

And yet all of this was unseen, as back then I managed to keep all of my anxiety bottled up.  I suffered with chronic and severe panic attacks back then.  I used to bottle everything up all day, and on average four or five evenings a week, just after I'd gone to bed, I would break into a panic attack - perhaps because no-one could see me.  It was a day's anxiety being unleashed all in one go.  This went on for all of GCSE and in the first year of sixth form.  

Lesson 3: Don't bottle your anxieties up.  This is the hardest thing to achieve, but in doing so, you are more likely to get help when you need it.

Exams for every subject were also a nightmare.  I was terrible at revising and found it difficult to concentrate, and the 24 hours leading up to any exam I would be in a heightened panic.  I swear my marks could have been higher if I wasn't in the grip of anxiety.  But panic disorder, such is the nature of it, meant that I kept thinking 'an exam hall would be one of the worst places I could have a panic attack.'  Thus, of course, preventing a panic attack became very difficult during exams, and more of my attention had to go into this rather than the exam itself. It's a wonder I passed everything in hindsight.

Lesson 4: Revise with someone who is doing the same subject, wherever possible.  Revising alone is no fun anyway, and can also allow your mind to build up with and dwell on panicky thoughts.  

I chose the wrong GCSE subjects and I also chose a wrong A-Level subject as well.  Year 12 improved as it went along - the wrong subject I chose, Physics, I knew I would drop at the end of the year, so cared less about it come the end and the other subjects were okay (although I still wish I'd chose differently), so the panic receded a little bit throughout the year.  Eating out was still a big problem; I remember a 17th birthday do towards the end of the year, 2004, that was a living hell and I barely ate anything.  But whether this was school related is another question entirely.

But all the bullying had stopped at this point and there were more coursework-based modules - which I preferred, taking the pressure off exams a little.  

Year 13 was certainly my best year at school.  I had more friends, did better subjects and had more laughs overall.  What spoilt year 13 wasn't school but driving lessons, which I have blogged about before.  Without these, year 13 could have been good, but driving lessons meant my panic outside of school was worse than ever.  Ironically, school became the one place I actually enjoyed being in year 13 and would go down as being the only year where things in school were good.  Real shame about the driving thing.

Lesson 5: Don't learn to drive unless you feel ready!

There is probably a lot more I could mention and if this blog wasn't too long already I could certainly go into more detail about certain aspects of my anxious school life.  In summary it was very difficult. About a year ago, I went back to my high school for my previous job where me and a colleague undertook an energy efficiency audit.  I thought it would be pleasantly nostalgic - instead, it made me want to forget my schooldays even more.  It brought back overwhelmingly bad memories overall.  

I will end on a positive though.  For all this blog focuses on the negatives of going to school with anxiety, as it should to make the point, I will say that my best friends today are still those people I've known since school.  One of them since 2001, a couple since 1999 and one since day one of primary school, back in 1991.  Nothing can ever take that away.

Best wishes
Al

1: Anxiety@ University

This is the first in a new series of blogs that explore how key milestones in my life have been affected by anxiety and how I have managed it, or not.  The first in the series starts with Anxiety@ University.  The Lessons in italics represent some of my pieces of advice based on my own experiences only.

I started University in September 2005.  I decided to stay at home, which probably isn't too surprising as someone who had been suffering with anxiety throughout my entire schooling life.  I purposely looked for a University I could commute to from home and managed to find a course that I wanted to do which was only a bus ride to the station from my house and then a 20 minute train journey to the campus with a short walk the other end.

Uni bar - nights of social turmoil

At this point I must say that I do not regret doing this.  From an academic point of view, I really enjoyed doing the course and since then, through both my previous and current jobs, I still take on placements every year from the department that I did my course at, so I go up to the campus every now and then and catch up with the lecturers.  Not only was the University close to home, the classes were quite small throughout the three years (no more than 35), all of the lecturers with a couple of exceptions were very pleasant and approachable and because of the class size they got to know you as a person as well as your academic strengths.  They were as concerned with your own personal development as much as they were with their own research etc.  So all of this meant it was a lot less overwhelming than it may have been if I'd have moved away, or had lectures with 150 people.  At that time I would have struggled to cope with that.

Lesson 1: Don't be ashamed to live at home during University.  For some people with anxiety, it might just be the difference between being able to go to University or not.  

This is more of a personal opinion, but it's relevant to this argument - I hate this belief that certain universities are better than others.  Better in what respect? At all the so-called 'top' Universities, none of the lecturers or even tutors know the students and lectures are with hundreds of people.  I hate the negative reputation former polytechnics have.  Yes, 'top' Universities may be great for some, but the sort of University I went to are perfect for many others - like myself.

Lesson 2: Don't be pressured into going to a so-called 'better' University if it is not right for you.

Anyway, despite this start, I was still struggling a little bit particularly from a social perspective.  I had met two friends, one of whom I happened to meet on the first train journey up as she was also commuting from my home town.  They were both very nice, but the problem I had over the first few weeks is that they were trying to get me involved in attending out of hours clubs etc.  At the time, I just didn't have the confidence to do this and I always ended up running off after lectures to get the next available train back to Stafford.  I was scared of making a fool of myself or coming across as boring.  And remember, I didn't have any confidence; the two people I'd met both had reasonable confidence in themselves and therefore in social situations.  I didn't.

Lesson 3: Using University to learn your subject is as important as learning to be more confident socially, especially if you have social anxiety.

We also went on a weekend fieldtrip after only a couple of weeks.   I remember on the coach journey there that I was close to quitting.  It hadn't been a disaster but I felt low because my only friends were making me uncomfortable in social situations and at that point nothing else was good enough for me to continue coming.  But the aim of this fieldtrip, by the department's own admission, was to allow people to get to know each other, and it worked quite well for me as I got to know a couple of other people who I hadn't really come across in the previous couple of weeks.  People who were also quiet and clearly not the most confident in the world.  My main problem on this trip was with eating; eating out, or indeed anywhere that wasn't 'home,' has been a huge problem for me over the years.  I don't remember people questioning it, perhaps because it was just a bit too early for people to ask things like that if they noticed - which I'm sure they did. But overall this trip was a success and gave me more people to latch on to subsequently.

Lesson 4: Don't quit too early even if it's hard to start with.

So I continued to catch the train in the morning, go to lectures, eat lunch occasionally at my friends hall of residence - uncomfortably - and got the first available train home.  My confidence socially didn't really improve on the simple basis that I didn't do anything socially - because I didn't have the confidence.

And whilst all this was going on, I was still suffering with panic attacks.  Generally these were less frequent than when I was at school but generally followed the same pattern - I went to bed and then had a panic attack.  Needless to say it exhausted me.

So overall, the positives of my first year were meeting the few people I did meet, having a relatively successful year academically and not completely falling apart.  Negatives of course were me being totally left behind by everyone else from a social perspective and my general anxiety that I had been suffering for a long time prior, which almost didn't have anything to do with University.  Uni was a means to an end for me at this point.

Sadly, after a long a dull summer, the second year got worse.  It was around the start of the second year that I started to get a severe bout of what I think was a form of OCD or Pure-O.  Basically, I had a song stuck in my head which I couldn't get out.  I kept coming back to it and it was just driving me to despair.  I remember having exams around just before Christmas 2006 and barely being able to concentrate because of my mind looping.  I've never really blogged about this for fear of it triggering it, but it was a really awful time.  And then, at the height of this ridiculousness, a close friend of the family suddenly passed away.  Selfishly, this actually gave me the impetus to do something about my problems and just before Christmas 2006 I saw a therapist at the University.  I didn't help in the slightest, but at least I made the effort to do something. My Pure-O problem, if that is indeed what it was, gradually dissipated and I remember the last part of the second year being a little better.

Lesson 5: Get help if it's available and speak to your lecturers if you get on with them - something I wish I'd done.

But overall, needless to say with all this going on. second year was basically a write off.  I just about managed to do the actual course - I was averaging a 2:2 - let alone do more socialising or improve my confidence.  And just as things did start to improve, it was time for the long, lonely summer break again.

I'm pleased to say, third year was better.  My "Pure-O" was far less prominent, my panic attacks were happening less often and I was able to socialise a little bit more, having made about five or six friends from the course who I now felt more comfortable with. I enjoyed spending more time on the campus and actually made the effort to stay behind for a drink or a chat after lectures.  For most people, this is something that is taken for granted when at University, but for me I just enjoyed the fact that I felt relatively comfortable and was able to enjoy the company of people I liked.  Although sounding contradictory, having more work in the third year was also okay, because a) I enjoyed the modules more, b) there were no exams and they used to affect my anxiety really badly and c) I think socialising more actually helped me to enjoy the work more too.  Don't get me wrong, I still had problems with:

- Eating out
- Drinking enough alcohol for it to be deemed acceptable at University level (peer pressure)
- Speaking to new people
- Presentations
- Pure O issue still lingering in the background
- A few panic attacks at times...

...but overall third year was much better and I enjoyed many days of it.

Lesson 6: Many people judge how good their University social experiences are by how much alcohol is involved.  You may want to judge it differently.

How did I cope day to day?  Well, running off to get the earliest possible train for one.  Not a strategy I should have taken but it felt like the only option at times.  Stick with people I'd made 'safe' was another.  Little things like bringing my own lunch with me from home helped too.

In terms of the bigger picture, along with that one therapy session I mentioned from the University, I also registered for NHS therapy in July 2006 - and got seen in August 2007.  The less said about that the better.  But the whole three years of University was all before I really knew anything about my condition and why I had it.  Critically it was also before I had learnt any tools to deal with it.  Consequently even when I went through the odd spell with less Pure-O or less panic etc, it was still a nervous time and socially I was cast aside and swept into the ether.  Only the third year allowed me to even slightly experience the sort of University experience that I wanted.  Part of me wishes I could go back there and do things differently; moreover part of me wishes I could go through the experience again today.  Another part of me is glad it's all over.

I suppose my words of wisdom based on my experiences of living with anxiety at University are as follows: try and embrace social situations and stay close to those people you warm to.  It may be difficult - those with social anxiety will know what I mean - but it will make the whole experience richer in the end and you'll be more able to cope with other anxiety-related conditions that may be troubling you.  It's the power of people again - something to this day I still need to work on.

Best wishes
Al

The Future's Bright, The Future's... Harlech?

I have just got back from a holiday to Harlech, Wales, where I stayed with a good friend of mine for four nights.  I must start by saying that this is an achievement in itself, because three or more years ago there is no way that I would have been able to do this.  Three years ago I could barely leave my home, let alone actually go on holiday.  Anyway, this is the third time me and my mate have done this; the first time we went to Borth in 2012, the second time was Talybont in 2013 just down the coast from Harlech, and this year Harlech itself.  Me and my friend, who I've known for 15 years, both enjoy walking and basically having a quiet time, getting away from life in the Midlands.  So it's ideal, as I'd otherwise probably not be able to go.

Harlech Castle

Anyway, the holiday before last, to Borth, came in the middle of my torrid time at my first shared house.  At this point, I'd have gone away and stayed in a Norwegian brothel full of horny, rampaging camels to get a break from my shared house, so in some ways the nervousness of going away for the first time in years was balanced out by this, making the experience easier.  The hardest part of holidaying back in 2012 was the train journey, perhaps unsurprisingly given what had happened 18 months prior.  The second holiday last year came when I'd just moved into this new shared house and was experiencing early transitional difficulties, but in the end the holiday helped me to clear my mind and work through my issues, so again the purpose of this outweighed the anxieties around staying in Wales.

This year, the living situation was less of an issue but I still wasn't nervous about going on holiday, which I think emphasises that I have strengthened a little.  Granted, it was still a comfortable location with a person I feel 'safe' with, but even still, I can look upon this as an achievement.  However, Harlech did something dangerous - it gave me time to think about things. My health anxiety started kicking in by the end, because the unfortunately reality of my life is that if I have time without work, i.e. less day to day things on my mind, the gaps get infiltrated with rubbish, namely health anxiety.  But apart from that, the break was much needed and also gave me time to think about where my life is (also not always a good thing!)

I live in a relatively small town in the Midlands.  It's a perfectly reasonable place to live and it is certainly home to me, mainly thanks to the people.  But as I get older, I'm increasingly thinking that the quiet, peaceful life is for me. I've always suspected it, for example by going on holiday to small, rural places like Harlech and enjoying the surroundings, but now even more so.  I'm getting more and more pissed off with people who haven't necessarily done anything to purposely annoy me, and I feel I need my own space a lot more.  I think I'm also appreciating the countryside even more than I used to, and that's considering I've always had a fondness for it, but more and more I want my own space, peace and to slow things down and do things in my own time.

So does all this mean I'm going to up sticks and move to Wales?  Sadly not; not least because such a huge change could be ravaged by an even greater transitional anxiety.  Moreover, what on earth would I do for work?  Plus then there's the people issue.  To contradict everything I've just written about, I still need people's company quite often, otherwise the negative thoughts that dwell when there's less to occupy my mind kick off.  So what I'm really saying is that I need both more space and just as much interaction with people.  That's an interesting concept.

Of course, one solution to this would be to find myself in a flourishing relationship, with someone you are comfortable spending time with and who you enjoy the company of.  But relationships like this happen in cuddly books, it seems.  So my challenge is to find other means to try and achieve the best of both worlds, at least to begin with.  Live with a good friend and no-one else, and stay in my home town, at least for now.  That way, it's a change, I live with someone I like but not with loads of people who, like them or not, mean I have to sit in my box-sized room just to escape the chaos.  Basically, I've become a proper 'settling down' adult about ten years too early.

To come back to when I first moved out in April 2012; even six months before this there is no way that I could have moved away from home.  So, despite the ultimately bad experience, to do this was an achievement.  To move back home in January 2013 took strength of character, because I had to take a backwards step to move forward when it would have been easier to plough on.  To move out again into a more socially-aesthetical house and a much better place overall in September 2013 took more courage, and this potential next step will too. 

But here is the crux of the matter - the real reason I want my own space and peace more.  The last 13.5 months of living in this house has taught me that greater social exposure does not necessarily lead to a gradual reduction in social anxiety.  This is especially true in situations where you're with other people who are naturally over-confident and who like talking about themselves (see last blog, point 4), and in social situations like meals out etc.  If anything, I think I'm less confident in front of such people now than I have ever been.  This bothers me of course, but the good news is that I've learnt to embrace this by enjoying my own time more.  Again, it's back to that balance and getting it right.  To be fair, my job gives me enough good interaction with other people, but it's the evenings and weekends that are most difficult to get right - when there's almost a pressure to socialise and be perceived as interesting in this modern world. 

I suppose what this rather brain-dump of a blog suggests is that I've learnt that someone with social anxiety and anxiety in general often has to tread very carefully when it comes to doing anything that could involve other people, particularly people you don't know.  You also have to think very carefully about how taking big steps in your life could affect you.  I would love my next next step, perhaps in a few years, to be to move to somewhere like Harlech, because it would give me that tranquillity that I so crave that I just don't get in 'normal' life, even in a (relatively) small Midlands town.  I think this environment is calling me, but I need to be in the right head-space - with the right people - to ever achieve this.

Perhaps this could be my long-term goal?

Best wishes
Al

What Would Really Help...

I thought I'd get off the heavier topics for a bit by writing a blog that was a little more light-hearted in nature.  However, much of this is still the truth.

What would I really like to happen to help with my anxiety?  Let's be honest here - other people are the cause of most problems, anxiety being one of them, so with that in mind what would help contribute towards an anxiety free life?

If only all trains were like this...

1) Ban other people

OK, maybe not.  But it's tempting.

2) Ban other people on trains 

But this is definitely more realistic.  The fact is, train travel is absolutely brilliant.  The ability to cruise through the countryside or from one town to another at 100mph is great, watching the world speed past, giving you the time to relax, work, read or whatever it is you can do to pass the time on the commute.

However, this falls into complete impossibility as soon as other people get onto the train.  If one insists that people other than me must take the train to make the railway network economically sustainable - although given the amount I'm charged for a season pass I doubt this is the case - then passengers must undertake the following steps prior to boarding:

- A loudness test.  Why do people shout to the person next to them?  I insist that people are forced to whisper to everyone and they must be tested on this prior to being granted entry.

- A rudeness test.  Anyone who considers taking up two seats with themselves and their bag, anyone who pushes past, who invades your space etc is not allowed.

- All mobile phones are confiscated to spare us the 'listen to me' conversations people insist on having over the phone. This links with the loudness test.

- Don't talk to strangers.  Please don't talk to me if you don't know me, unless you'd like to strike up an interesting and intellectual conversation. Since I've started commuting daily, I've had people recite these following anecdotes to me on a train:

"Gosh you're tall, it must be awkward standing up if you're at the window seat."
Really? I hadn't noticed I'm tall.

"It's often really busy on these trains."
Said when 18 of us were standing up crammed into the vestibule end.

"Where are you travelling too?" Stafford. "The place with the hospital?"

I'm sad to report I didn't answer the last question.  I'm not normally ignorant, but if you don't have anything useful or interesting to say, don't make me feel uncomfortable by talking utter tripe or asking pointless questions.

3) Give people wing mirrors

I walk fast primarily because, as the man on the train pointed out, I am tall.  And I don't dither (my friend and I are forever cursing ditherers. Just get on with it).  So I walk fast and I am able to do so because I have a high spatial awareness.  If I can't overtake someone without risking pushing past, I wait.  If I'm standing in the street I move out the way when people are approaching to let them through.  If I'm sitting next to someone on the train, I give them equal room.  However, it seems most people have no spatial awareness.  They are usually idly browsing their phones or just simply not looking where they are going or not aware of the fact they are taking up 90% of the available room.  If we installed people with mirrors so they can could see all angles, then this would help.  Question is, I can manage to maintain spatial awareness, so why can't you?

The same goes for swimming.  People seem to be unable to see others in the pool and swim in a straight line assuming the other person (me) swims out of the way.

Unless it's just rudeness??

4) Ban over-confidence

Along with a loudness test, one should also be made to take an over-confidence test before going out with friends, starting Uni or moving into a shared house.  Give them the following brief:

"You have five minutes to talk about something. Anything you like."

If they talk a lot about themselves and not a lot about anything else, this suggests over-confidence and thus will not help social anxiety sufferers.  This often comes hand in hand with loudness as well so you could easily combine the two tests.  Job done.

5) Ban TV adverts or documentaries about health

As someone with health anxiety, the last thing I need is a unnecessary medium that triggers off panic at the site of an advert around having a stroke, for example.  If you're in the UK you will have seen it.  The one that looks like there's a burning hole appearing in someones head, with an annoying narrator telling you what you should do if someone is having a stroke.  I'm sure it's all useful information, but I have to run out of the room or cover my eyes and ears if that sort of televisual comes on because otherwise I will sub-consciously begin looking for signs that I am about to have a stroke.

Health anxiety is a lovely thing, eh?

What makes it difficult is if something like this is part of a programme or it happens when you're at the cinema, for example.  What do you do then without drawing attention to yourself?  Banning such adverts or story lines in programmes, or at least providing a warning before they appear, would minimise health anxiety triggers no end.

6) Enforce law around dog leads

Bear with me on this one.

As you may have gathered, I love the countryside, I love walking and I'm lucky enough to have plenty of great scenery and space near to where I live.  I type this particular section of this blog just an hour after returning home from an 8-and-a-half mile Sunday morning walk.  What I don't like about such walks is the fact that you have to play 'dodge the dog' every time you're out.

People seem arrogant about not putting their dogs on leads around where I live, even though most of them cannot control them.  They run at you round here, from in front or behind.  Please, put your dogs on leads if you can't control them so that other people can enjoy their walks and not have to worry about having to bandage up their ankles.  And whilst you're at it, take a loudness test.  Don't disturb the rural peace.

I love animals, including dogs... just not the owners who can't control them.

7) Ban relationship procrastination

Whether this is the same for most people with anxiety I don't know, but for me trying to read other people that you like is a very difficult task.  Over-analysis often comes hand in hand with anxiety and as such you need clear signs if someone likes you and if they are willing to meet up.  Unfortunately, everyone I've ever fallen for is about is easy to a read as a work of Shakespeare in sanskrit.

I would make it so that people have to say what they think when it came to relationships and feelings, as it would make life a darn sight easier.  Even if it wasn't what you wanted to hear, it would prevent months of emotional dithering and eventual heartbreak, which could have just happened in five minutes if we didn't procrastinate.  

8) Enforce personal health laws

Everyone should:

- Wash their hands after sneezing or doing anything with their hands that could have made them dirty (answers on a postcard please).

- Where a mask if they insist on coughing or sneezing frequently.

- Shower daily.

...and just generally clean themselves and clean up after themselves as a routine.  Punishment for failure to do these things is ten years in prison.

I feel, therefore, that if these seven principles were enforced - and the list probably isn't exhaustive - then people with anxiety would all live in a much less anxiety-fraught world.  We would be comfortable around other people and live happily ever after in a clean house and where everyone was blunt, had wing mirrors, spatial awareness, a dog with a lead, no TV adverts relating to health problems and people who were quiet and shy. 

If we also wipe out all wasps, spiders and caffeine, we're almost there.

Best wishes
Al