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| It's rarely like this... |
So as such, I am going to continue with my 'Anxiety @' series and gladly, for me, 'at the restaurant' makes more sense than 'at the holiday home,' my last effort.
This may seem like an odd inclusion in this series; previous topics have been about dealing with anxiety in big scenarios that take up a significant proportion of your life. Holidays can come around fairly frequently and last for a couple of weeks on end and can involve plenty of travelling. University lasted non-stop for three years and school lasted for fourteen years! Eating out in a restaurant only lasts a couple of hours and doesn't necessarily happen particularly frequently.
However, eating out has caused me so many problems in the past that I feel it is more than worthy of a separate entry. You will notice if you read the previous three 'Anxiety @' blog posts that eating out appears as a problem that has been apparent during all of school, University and holidays. You will also notice that I have written blogs about this before back in 2012 and 2013. So it's a persistent problem that has plagued me for many years. I'm still waiting to find someone, among the myriad of us anxious nutters, who has struggled in particular with eating out.
In the 2012 blog that I mentioned above, I try and work out why it is that this has been a problem for me. It took me many years to work out that it was connected to my overall anxiety condition; I went for a long time thinking it was some sort of eating disorder that I had, but for it to only usually affect eating out made this scenario unlikely. The 2013 blog I mention above provides you with a case study of one of the many (and one of the worst) incidences I could write about in relation to eating out. I'd recommend reading both of these before continuing reading this blog as they sum up the problem quite nicely.
Without wanting to repeat the content of these blogs, I think eating out is one of the most consistent themes I have mentioned on this website since its inception. Look how many blogs appear when you type 'eating out' in the search box in the top right corner. It has caused me years of social misery and at the worst times has also affected my eating in general, affecting my physical health and then consequently my health anxiety condition. You get the picture.
In the aforementioned 2013 blog, I wrote:
"I've since learnt it's all down to some bizarre anxiety that to this day still baffles me a bit."
In other words, I don't really know why my anxiety condition particularly has a problem with eating out. My 2012 blog does a reasonable job at working it out, and to sum it up I think it is largely down to pressure. I'm a perfectionist, a fussy eater and someone who doesn't deal well with certain pressure situations where you are expected to behave in a certain manner. Therefore, in simple terms, if you combine these factors and put them into a person with chronic anxiety, it's no real wonder that I've struggled with eating out.
However, writing this particular blog now is quite timely. Not because the eating out problem is currently making a big impact on my life - quite the opposite, in fact. I've been on my Christmas break since 17th December and for me this is the most social time of year. During this period, I have eaten out a total of seven times, and have two more occasions to go before I start back at work on 5th January. Each time I have been fine and the only case of slight anxiety came when I was away in Yorkshire (see previous blog) where I did wonder a couple of times whether I'd be able to cope. But not only have I managed to eat everything, I've done it with very few anxious thoughts at all and have even asked for dessert on a few occasions!
As such, I thought I'd focus this blog on trying to work out why this is the case. What's going on? How can eating out almost be impossible for years and, for now at least, be okay? My musings are as follows - and please use some of these as the equivalent 'lessons' that I have included on the previous 'Anxiety @' blogs!
1) My anxiety as a whole has declined over the past couple of years, thanks to numerous reasons. This, I presume, has led to a general calmness in situations that would have led me to panic in the past, such as eating out.
2) To follow on from point 1, the CBT techniques that I have learnt via my therapist that I saw in 2011-12 have helped when applied in certain situations, eating out being one of them. These include:
+ Concentrating on breathing, particularly important when eating as the simple act of eating can make it harder to breathe in the first place.
+ Rationalising about the social occasion (difficult and I know it sounds far-fetched, but it does work quite well after plenty of practice).
+ Focus on the conversation that you are having with the person/people you're with, listen intently to what they are saying and join in - as a way of taking your mind off the eating.
+ If this fails, do some people watching for the same purpose!
There may be others, but you get the point.
3) "You can't beat traditional English cuisine." This is what I say whenever I'm eating out, as I usually order fish and chips, a burger or sausage and mash. You can have a laugh about it, whilst your friend orders the quails eggs, the Thai curry or the blue venison. My point is, order something you know you like, and don't feel pressured to order something 'fancy' just because it's the 'in' thing to do, or because someone else is. That makes me really uncomfortable because there is then more pressure to enjoy it and thus a higher chance of experiencing food related panic. Food needs to be kept simple in these situations. Order what you like, not what other people want you to like.
4) Only frequent a restaurant with comfortable people. I may boast above about eating out seven times already this festive break, but all of these occasions have been with 'comfortable' people; by that, I largely mean people who know I have an anxiety condition and who I can trust to be open and honest with if I did struggle. This makes the likelihood of struggling less in the first place. Comfortable people can also include those who may not know about your condition, but are quite laid-back in social situations and don't care or pay attention to things like how much you've eaten. To this day, I still don't eat out with a few people who, by no fault of their own, put too much pressure on me when in eating out situations.
5) There is still an element of avoidance in terms of places I choose to eat. Pizza Express, for example, is a no go. Usually I can control where I eat - all of the places I have eaten out at during this festive break have been pubs that do a variety of traditional food (see point 3). Whilst pizza is usually a comfortable food for me, because of my past experiences with Pizza Express, I know that arranging a meal here would be harder to go through with, due to the natural associations the mind makes. I'd have to eat there about ten successful times before it became comfortable, potentially. My point is, where possible, choose to eat out where you can and where simple things like restaurant smells or sounds don't conjure up bad experiences.
6) Drink plenty of water beforehand and during the meal. One of things I noticed when I was struggling in an eating out situation was how dry my mouth was, which of course made it even more difficult to eat. I now always order a tap water for me or a jug for the table in addition to whatever drink I am having. I also drink a glass of water just before heading out. And so what if this means you need the loo whilst at the restaurant? This can also help you by taking some time out of the situation.
7) Fart. Okay, so you might think I have left this one until last because it's a less serious one. And granted it has quite amusing connotations. But farting, silently and subtly of course, releases trapped gas and can make you feel more physically comfortable during eating and thus more able to stomach your meal. However, don't let rip an explosive one that registers on the Richter scale, otherwise this may lead to other social anxiety issues.
I'm actually enjoying eating out the moment. As nonsensical as it sounds, I've spent so much of my life either avoiding eating out or going through hell when I do so, that to be able to eat out with minimal anxiety is such a wonderful experience. That is one great thing about anxiety: when it disappears from a certain situation, either permanently or just temporarily, it makes things that others take for granted so pleasurable and enjoyable.
And that is the one positive of anxiety: it can make you so grateful for what you have and what you can do with your life. Embrace it whilst it lasts.
Best wishes
Al
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