What would I really like to happen to help with my anxiety? Let's be honest here - other people are the cause of most problems, anxiety being one of them, so with that in mind what would help contribute towards an anxiety free life?
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| If only all trains were like this... |
1) Ban other people
OK, maybe not. But it's tempting.
2) Ban other people on trains
But this is definitely more realistic. The fact is, train travel is absolutely brilliant. The ability to cruise through the countryside or from one town to another at 100mph is great, watching the world speed past, giving you the time to relax, work, read or whatever it is you can do to pass the time on the commute.
However, this falls into complete impossibility as soon as other people get onto the train. If one insists that people other than me must take the train to make the railway network economically sustainable - although given the amount I'm charged for a season pass I doubt this is the case - then passengers must undertake the following steps prior to boarding:
- A loudness test. Why do people shout to the person next to them? I insist that people are forced to whisper to everyone and they must be tested on this prior to being granted entry.
- A rudeness test. Anyone who considers taking up two seats with themselves and their bag, anyone who pushes past, who invades your space etc is not allowed.
- All mobile phones are confiscated to spare us the 'listen to me' conversations people insist on having over the phone. This links with the loudness test.
- Don't talk to strangers. Please don't talk to me if you don't know me, unless you'd like to strike up an interesting and intellectual conversation. Since I've started commuting daily, I've had people recite these following anecdotes to me on a train:
"Gosh you're tall, it must be awkward standing up if you're at the window seat."
Really? I hadn't noticed I'm tall.
"It's often really busy on these trains."
Said when 18 of us were standing up crammed into the vestibule end.
"Where are you travelling too?" Stafford. "The place with the hospital?"
I'm sad to report I didn't answer the last question. I'm not normally ignorant, but if you don't have anything useful or interesting to say, don't make me feel uncomfortable by talking utter tripe or asking pointless questions.
3) Give people wing mirrors
I walk fast primarily because, as the man on the train pointed out, I am tall. And I don't dither (my friend and I are forever cursing ditherers. Just get on with it). So I walk fast and I am able to do so because I have a high spatial awareness. If I can't overtake someone without risking pushing past, I wait. If I'm standing in the street I move out the way when people are approaching to let them through. If I'm sitting next to someone on the train, I give them equal room. However, it seems most people have no spatial awareness. They are usually idly browsing their phones or just simply not looking where they are going or not aware of the fact they are taking up 90% of the available room. If we installed people with mirrors so they can could see all angles, then this would help. Question is, I can manage to maintain spatial awareness, so why can't you?
The same goes for swimming. People seem to be unable to see others in the pool and swim in a straight line assuming the other person (me) swims out of the way.
Unless it's just rudeness??
4) Ban over-confidence
Along with a loudness test, one should also be made to take an over-confidence test before going out with friends, starting Uni or moving into a shared house. Give them the following brief:
"You have five minutes to talk about something. Anything you like."
If they talk a lot about themselves and not a lot about anything else, this suggests over-confidence and thus will not help social anxiety sufferers. This often comes hand in hand with loudness as well so you could easily combine the two tests. Job done.
5) Ban TV adverts or documentaries about health
As someone with health anxiety, the last thing I need is a unnecessary medium that triggers off panic at the site of an advert around having a stroke, for example. If you're in the UK you will have seen it. The one that looks like there's a burning hole appearing in someones head, with an annoying narrator telling you what you should do if someone is having a stroke. I'm sure it's all useful information, but I have to run out of the room or cover my eyes and ears if that sort of televisual comes on because otherwise I will sub-consciously begin looking for signs that I am about to have a stroke.
Health anxiety is a lovely thing, eh?
What makes it difficult is if something like this is part of a programme or it happens when you're at the cinema, for example. What do you do then without drawing attention to yourself? Banning such adverts or story lines in programmes, or at least providing a warning before they appear, would minimise health anxiety triggers no end.
6) Enforce law around dog leads
Bear with me on this one.
As you may have gathered, I love the countryside, I love walking and I'm lucky enough to have plenty of great scenery and space near to where I live. I type this particular section of this blog just an hour after returning home from an 8-and-a-half mile Sunday morning walk. What I don't like about such walks is the fact that you have to play 'dodge the dog' every time you're out.
People seem arrogant about not putting their dogs on leads around where I live, even though most of them cannot control them. They run at you round here, from in front or behind. Please, put your dogs on leads if you can't control them so that other people can enjoy their walks and not have to worry about having to bandage up their ankles. And whilst you're at it, take a loudness test. Don't disturb the rural peace.
I love animals, including dogs... just not the owners who can't control them.
7) Ban relationship procrastination
Whether this is the same for most people with anxiety I don't know, but for me trying to read other people that you like is a very difficult task. Over-analysis often comes hand in hand with anxiety and as such you need clear signs if someone likes you and if they are willing to meet up. Unfortunately, everyone I've ever fallen for is about is easy to a read as a work of Shakespeare in sanskrit.
I would make it so that people have to say what they think when it came to relationships and feelings, as it would make life a darn sight easier. Even if it wasn't what you wanted to hear, it would prevent months of emotional dithering and eventual heartbreak, which could have just happened in five minutes if we didn't procrastinate.
8) Enforce personal health laws
Everyone should:
- Wash their hands after sneezing or doing anything with their hands that could have made them dirty (answers on a postcard please).
- Where a mask if they insist on coughing or sneezing frequently.
- Shower daily.
...and just generally clean themselves and clean up after themselves as a routine. Punishment for failure to do these things is ten years in prison.
I feel, therefore, that if these seven principles were enforced - and the list probably isn't exhaustive - then people with anxiety would all live in a much less anxiety-fraught world. We would be comfortable around other people and live happily ever after in a clean house and where everyone was blunt, had wing mirrors, spatial awareness, a dog with a lead, no TV adverts relating to health problems and people who were quiet and shy.
If we also wipe out all wasps, spiders and caffeine, we're almost there.
Best wishes
Al
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