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| Girls flaunting their... joy |
I don't have SAD, at least not to a severe extent, but I can certainly appreciate and understand why people do. However, perhaps the odd thing for me is that any possible SAD that I get actually occurs in summer, and not winter.
This is particularly pertinent at the moment. If you live in this country, you may have noticed that we're currently experiencing a UK heatwave, the first since 2006 and the longest for... well, a long time. I hate the heat. Yes, I am one of those annoying people who complain when it gets hot. But I hate it. Not least because my bedroom has three outside facing walls and the sun blasts on it all day - it's 27.8C (82F) in there now, and will get hotter still before the day is out. We also get humid heat in the UK, not dry dusty heat. The latter may be tolerable, but our heat is always 'move an inch and you can baste yourself in your own sweat' type heat.
One could argue that this is just me being annoyed about the weather, which as I said above is not SAD. Heat, however, also affects my health and my sleep. I suffer from health anxiety, and heat often makes me worried that I'm going to blow up. In cold weather, you can throw five layers on and be fine. Once you're parading around naked, there's nothing more you can do in hot weather. As I said, it also affects sleeping. It's ridiculous enough that it gets light at 3am, but add to that a claustrophobic and choking heat around you it's just unpleasant. Lack of sleep, as I've blogged about before, can easily result in greater anxiety levels and so the cycle goes on.
That terrible incident over two years ago in Cornwall occurred when I was too hot. I blame this for one reason for it happening in the first place. It was only late March, but it was a warm day and I admit that I wasn't dressed for low-20's temperatures, wearing a thick coat.
The other thing about this weather is that people have the natural, but irritating habit of being happy. They love being able to go outside and not worry about freezing their knackers off or getting soaked to the skin. They love being able to wear next to nothing, parading their semi-nakedness and being proud about it. (Yes, two lots of naked parading). It's an opportunity to flaunt their non-anxious, rich social lives in front of you. Or at least, that's how it comes across to me, who has spent years grappling with anxiety whilst at the same time trying to piece together some assemblance of a social life that hasn't been ravaged by anxiety in the past. People seem to be without a care in the summer; I'm sure this isn't true, but their attitude outdoors in the sunshine conveys this.
It makes me feel low to see others behaving like this, even though my natural reaction is just to see what I can see, rather than consider that many of them may be experiencing or may have experienced plenty of trauma in their lives. Meanwhile, I stand there wilting in the heat.
It's all locked away in winter. I love Christmas, which helps, but even in January, I feel emotionally warmer by the physical cold outside. Maybe there's a bit here about rejoicing at other people's winter misery, but I don't think so; I think it's more about being glad that lives are more private and also that you can actually move an inch without dying of heat exhaustion.
Maybe that's why I work in the field of climate change. I have a personal vendetta against hot weather, and an increase as such would make me more miserable. I am on my own personal crusade to develop a huge mirror to deflect the sun back into space, thus creating another ice age and a boom in the scarf industry.
The one thing, of course, that can alleviate my reverse-SAD is to act myself. Get out there, so I too can enjoy this weather. I don't think I'll ever love the heat, but at least it will become tolerable if I am one of those people outside, flaunting their joy.
For now, I'll go and turn the radiator on to cool my room down.
Best wishes
Al
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