Should I Stop the Mindful Routine?

I won't go into what mindfulness is and how it has helped me again; I've already written a blog about it.  Things have changed since I wrote this though...

...whilst I still like the concept of mindfulness and believe it could be very useful when you're in a state of anxiety, I have recently ceased to practise it daily.  This initially started in the last heatwave (did you blink? you may have missed it), when I was struggling to get sleep.

It wasn't just the heat that was stopping me from sleeping though, it was a painfully annoying thought repetition process that went something like:

'Ah, I'm falling asleep.'
[I've now noticed I'm falling asleep]
[I wake up again]

OVER AND OVER AGAIN.  At this time, I vowed not to practise mindfulness until I had started to sleep better and this insanely annoying pattern receded.  Why?  Largely because I didn't want to manipulate my thought patterns any more than I was doing already... maybe not the right thing to do but I felt more comfortable as a result.  You could argue that trying to focus on something other than this irritating thought pattern would be the ideal thing to do, but trust me, I tried and failed miserably.  Practising mindfulness at night just stresses me out more, because it doesn't seem to work. 

It was also coming to pass that when I sat and practised my mindfulness of sound, breathing, body or whatever, I was either falling asleep (ironic, huh?) or simply finding it very difficult to focus on the object in question, normally because I had things I needed to do at the time that if I didn't note down I'd forget to do by the time I finished the practise.  It ended up taking up time with little reward.

So I've now stopped this daily practise, after well over a year of dedication to the cause.  I think it could be a useful tool, as I said at the start, in certain circumstances and I now know enough about it and experience of it to use it when it may come in handy.  But I think the rigorous regime was proving too much, especially when you consider that I have health anxiety and severe sinus problems, rendering mindfulness of the body and breathing fairly challenging... 

I feel guilty for stopping of course.  Has it had some sort of effect on me that I do not realise?  Is it more than just about tool for my toolbox?  Time will tell I suppose.  For others who have been offered it and who have practised it, I'd been keen to hear of your successes or otherwise.  For me now, I'm just going to put it away for when I might really need it.

Best wishes
Al