A Mindful Appraisal

Hi everyone,

My CBT therapist introduced me to the concept of mindfulness, something that I imagine has been stumbled upon by many others suffering from anxiety.  After months and months of practising mindfulness, setting aside 15 minutes most days to be mindful of something, I now realise that my natural thought pattern is quite the opposite to being mindful of the here and now.  I was constantly thinking about what has happened, might happen or will happen and the only thing I was being mindful of is my anxiety. 

I was pointed in the direction of Jon Kabat-Zinn, the mindfulness guru, to read and listen to some of his work.  I purchased his Mindfulness for Beginners double CD, the second of which gives you the opportunity to practise being mindful of various seemingly mundane acts, such as breathing, eating and listening.  It is with this CD that I have been doing my daily routine of being mindful.  I still today complain about not finding the time.

But obviously, the objective is to integrate it into everyday life.  Whether it be walking, working, watching TV or washing up, the idea is to be mindful of that activity, thus pushing all of your anxiety producing thoughts 'into the wings' as Kabat-Zinn would tell you.

So has it been successful?  Hmm... difficult to say.  When I'm doing the routine practise, it can vary... sometimes I have real difficulty focusing on whatever the chosen object is, sometimes I start falling asleep which is not helpful either.  One thing I have learnt about this is how much you are not in control of your mind when you start falling asleep... it's like is racing out of control but not in a panicky type way (difficult to explain what I mean here, but it's interesting...)  So in some ways the routine practise has been useful. 

But integrating into everyday life less so.  I've tried, in certain circumstances, to focus purely on whatever it is I'm doing, such as if I'm on a train I focus on reading the paper, or if I'm out walking I focus on countryside sounds.  But it never seems to last long.  And when it comes to doing the washing up, for example, well, to put it bluntly, it's boring and my mind has been racing away for ages before I notice it.  Kabat-Zinn makes the point on many occasions not to force it, but I can't help thinking that that is the only way for me to be able to successfully integrate a mindful approach into everyday life. 

Doing the mindfulness of the body has also proved difficult as a sufferer of health anxiety... focusing on your body is the last thing you want to do!

I suppose it all links in with one of the most simple yet most powerful phrases I learnt from my therapist... remember "I'm having the thought that..."  I'm having the thought that I'm having heart failure, I'm having the thought that I'm a failure, I'm having the thought that I'm going to have a panic attack.  They are just thoughts.  In his CD, Kabat-Zinn gives us the mindfulness of thinking, which is a fascinating tool, difficult to implement but fascinating... what am I actually thinking? 

I'd recommend giving it a go if your therapist suggests it.  I think I need to work harder to make it life-changing for me, but it's certainly presented me with a different method of thinking and acts as almost a definition of what CBT is about, changing thinking patterns.  Perhaps being somewhat sceptical to start with didn't help me :)

Best wishes
Al