I present to you... varying degrees of confidence

Hi all

I had an interesting conversation with a friend the other day about confidence.  He was talking about another friend he knows and how he was surprised that he was comfortable and confident in certain situations (e.g. lecturing) and not in others (e.g. clubbing).  His argument was that if you're confident at delivering a lecture in front of say 50 to 100 people that you're more likely to be confident in a social situation too.  

Apparently a cheesy grin and a beard also helps

I disputed this strongly as I have experience to back this up.  I have to deliver quite a lot of presentations for work; these are usually in front of around 20-30 people but occasionally up to around 100.  As long as I know what I am talking about, which I normally do otherwise I wouldn't have been asked to present in the first place, then I am totally fine with this these days, probably because I have been tasked with delivering several presentations in career so far.  My university degree was also quite presentation-heavy, which at the time I hated, but now I'm grateful for it.  

It's actually got to the point where I enjoy presenting on most occasions.  I feel it's one of my strong points and feedback from various people has backed this up.  I enjoy feeling like I am telling people something useful, I enjoy being a bit less bland than some presenters you get and know ultimately I understand that delivering a strong presentation could improve my own reputation if I ever needed/wanted to get another job. 

It's not always been like this though.  It may not surprise regular visitors to my blog that once upon I time I hated presentations.  I used to ruminate about them for weeks, even months, prior to their occurrence.  I then started to improve and feel less nervous about them (although I certainly couldn't say I enjoyed them), especially when I started my first main job.  However, all of this then changed when I had my breakdown in 2011.  I could barely leave the house let alone get up in front of several people and present.  I vividly remember a presentation I was doing in front of about 70 people on a topic I was confident about - but it was only few months after my mother of all panic attacks, so it was absolute hell.  I didn't sleep for days previously, and on the day itself I was shaking and in deep distress.  I'm amazed I got through it; at one point I felt like I was going to pass out.  So I can fully appreciate how daunting presenting can be, especially for someone with anxiety.  It's the idea of hell.  Therapy, medication or whatever route one chooses that hopefully helps to alleviate ones anxiety as a whole, will also hopefully in time make presentations easier - but trying to do presentations with an anxiety condition is like trying to knit a jumper wearing steel gloves.

That said, once the severest part of my anxiety condition had passed, for the last couple of years or so I've started to enjoy presenting and today I barely even get nervous on most occasions.  I've provided some pointers that I have used that have helped me get to this point at the end of this blog - although ultimately, without my 50 sessions of therapy, this apparent confidence I have with presenting would not be possible.

So if presenting is okay, why are social situations not?  I would say I am better at social situations now than I was in 2011-13 (when I could barely interact with anyone), but I'm certainly not as confident in social situations, especially those with people I'm less familiar with, and I'm still at best very awkward.  This is why I disputed my friend's argument that if you're confident at one thing you're likely to be confident at the other situations too.  Not the case.  Whether his theory could be applied to people without an anxiety condition I'm not sure, but I know people who have had similar experiences who have never told me that they've had anxiety.  

Even worse, of course, is the 'asking a girl out' conundrum which lags me about 15 years behind everyone else my age.  The thoughts of going up to a girl I hardly know (or vaguely know, or know quite well, or know very well - you get the idea) and asking her out makes me want to run for the hills.  Why this is the case would require an entirely separate blog (and indeed I don't really know the answer) but I think this proves that for me, at least, being confident in one situation requires totally different skills to being confident in another.  And of course, what do most girls like in a guy?  Confidence.  I really don't stand a chance, do I?

The summary is that having a chronic anxiety condition can have a hugely negative effect on someone's confidence full stop.  My concern is that in the areas where I'm least confident, this lack of confidence is terminal and irreversible.  Regarding presentations, I'm just grateful that I generally do feel good about doing them and am trying not to take this for granted!

So to finish, here is my guide to delivering a good, confident presentation.  I'm not saying it's right - it's just my guide! (Appropriately caveated, I feel). 

1) Take the opportunity to do as many as possible, even if you hate the thoughts of it.  They can provide you with exceptional anxiety-managing skills as well as the added bonus of projecting yourself; very useful for work.  Practice may or may not make perfect but it can certainly help.

2) Know what you're talking about. If it's a less comfortable subject, do your research.

3) Ditch the notes.  This follows on from point 2.  There is nothing worse than reading from pages of notes, not least because it restricts your expressionism but people can also notice the paper shaking if you're nervous.  Reading off notes can also make your style naturally more monotonous.  

4) Be clever with PowerPoint.  It's vital not to put too much text on a slideshow, but I tend to use succinct textual bullet points on the actual slides as my notes / prompts (see point 3).

5) Move around, if it helps. I'm quite expressive when I'm presenting - I tend to move around a lot and I'd recommend this.  This helps to achieve point 4 (e.g. you can point at the screen if you want to emphasise something and it doesn't look awkward) and also helps to release that nervous energy a bit, whilst masking any nervous shakes you might have.

6) Don't worry about the audience.  I used to play off people's reactions - yawning, looking away, fiddling with their phones.  Why aren't they writing any of this down??  Don't worry about any of that.  Think about what you might do during someone else's presentation.  It doesn't mean what you're saying isn't interesting, it might just be that they have had a long day!

7) Be honest with your incompetence.  What I mean is, if you make a mistake, e.g. stumble over a word because you're nervous, let people know you've noticed and make a joke or light hearted comment about it.  One of my best errors was saying 'depravity' instead of 'deprived' - I then made a joke about how all deprived people are evil.  It works, you get out of it with class (well, maybe not in this case!) and confidence.

8) Practice before you are due to do the talk, both on your own with a timer and in front of someone you trust if possible.  The former is always important regardless of how confident you feel.  The latter might not be so relevant if you're getting better at presenting, but still useful to consider.

9) Don't forget the other stuff.  I used to spend so much time worrying about the presentation that on the day I'd forget to consider the logistics, e.g. where do I need to be, when, etc.  This will reduce your stress on the day and allow you to focus.

10) Take a bottle of water.  Naturally, when you're combining nervousness and talking your mouth becomes dry.  If you have health anxiety like me, I'd always notice this and start worrying about it.  I now always make sure I take some water so I can pause if needs be to take a swig - don't be frightened to do this!

Any other ideas duly welcome!

Best wishes
Al