Time to Move On?

I have been deliberating in the past couple of weeks as to whether to move back out of my parents house to somewhere else.  I moved back in with them late January and although this was the right move for me at the time, I know that, for my own personal development, I should be looking to move on.


The quality of my pictures are improving

After all, I have now experienced the 'living away from home' thing and from an anxiety perspective it generally went ok.  The experience at times was quite a testing one, but I managed to handle it quite well.  This may seem strange, but the fact that the four housemates that I didn't know before I moved there were either not my cup of tea or made no effort to get to know me, meant that the pressure that may have fallen on me to be sociable never really came about.  I was naively expecting communal dinners and pub visits before moving in, but such activities may have fuelled my social anxiety; I'm not good around socially confident people. 

So this time, I'd like to meet a housemate(s) who does enjoy socialising, with the aim to meet new people but also to test me.  I still get uncomfortable when I'm thrust into a social event with people who I don't know, who I class as over-confident ('normal' to most people) or who ask me lots of questions about me early on.  If this is accompanied by a more formal occasion, e.g. a sit-down meal, then I really struggle.

So it's a bit of a balancing act.  I want to meet a sociable person, but by sociable I mean sitting and watching the football together as well as going out.  Someone who enjoys company of any kind, and not someone who isn't satisfied with a night's socialising unless they have at least 14 pints. 

This time it's more daunting.  I was in the company of a long-term friend last time, which made the transition somewhat easier than it may have otherwise been.  This time I'm going it alone. 

But I've said for ages that I need to meet new people.  I don't socialise anywhere near enough now, and over the next few months or so, more people are going to be moving on, and by that I mean out of Stafford.  The one person who I really get along well with (and who's my age) at work will also be leaving later this year.  My social savannah is going to become a social desert by the end of 2013 if I don't act quickly and decisively.  So I need to be pro-active and push myself to meet new people.

How?  Well, Uni is the best option, but as regular followers of this blog will know, that didn't exactly go well when I looked into that over two years ago.  Plus, I cannot afford to give up this job; if I gain a postgraduate degree, great, but if there are physically no jobs out there, then the potential pleasure of Uni could be taken over by dark days of no work afterwards.  And to put it bluntly, the only reason I want to go back to Uni is for the socialising.

I could do some other courses, e.g. a music course.  I tried this in late 2010, and for my music hobby it went well, but I didn't really meet anyone.  Unfortunately, most of the courses are online or in London, which again is either not going to fulfil my purpose or isn't practical.

So moving in with new people is the only option left. I recognise it isn't the best one for meeting new people; for a start, there probably won't be many people who are looking for someone to rent with who are also looking for a social partner.  Most people my age have relationships/big circle of friends, or if they don't, they are happy to be hermits.

Don't get me wrong, if moving doesn't achieve my aim and my social fulfilment does decline, then at some point in a year or so, I may have to do the Uni thing anyway, lest I end up a lonely late 20 year old with so much socialising to give but no-one to give it to. I'd rather have no job than that.

But how did it come to this?  Not socialising enough when I was meant to, i.e. in sixth form and particularly at University.  It'd be easy to blame anxiety for this, but as I've said before, whilst anxiety may have caused me great pain in certain social events, I also spent too much time running away from people.  Even from things that would have almost certainly not generated much anxiety, like a drink in the Uni bar after a lecture.  But the reality remains that if I had not had social (or other) anxiety, I imagine I would be in a position of social enrichment now. 

Not least because I'd probably be in a relationship.

The concern now, of course, is twofold.  (1) If I move and the situation is not good, then I'm on my own.  I may get more lonely, because although living with my parents is lonely enough sometimes, at least they are here.  They watch football.  They talk.  Crap, maybe, but it's interaction all the same. 

And (2), if (1) happens or if I fail to act before people move on, and my social life decreases even more, that my anxiety rises again due to even more time for rumination, procrastination, worry, distress, panic. 

Whatever my next move is, it'll be a risky one.  The likelihood of walking into a place which gives me everything I want is exceptionally low.  There is a higher likelihood of utmost failure than total success; chances are it'll be somewhere in between.  But either way, this decision could be the biggest of my life in terms of determining whether my future will be lonely and anxious or sociable and confident.

I'll let you know how it goes...

Best wishes
Al