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| One of the bus drivers in question... |
So perhaps I have drawn more from my friends than others may have. Perhaps I have even depended on them too much at times, to be there and at my beck and call whenever required (even though when it came to anxiety, particularly until recently, I didn't talk to them enough). I have a few such friends, most from school but a couple from University, without whom goodness knows where I would be today. They have provided support and understanding, right when I have amassed myself in a cocktail of hell that seemed otherwise impossible to get out from. My advice: friends are so-called because you can trust them with stuff. 'Stuff' being the way you're feeling and your mental health problems.
But then there are the others. Those people who have probably had as much influence towards my pursuit of happiness as those people who I class as 'true friends.' They may not know about my mental health background, but just them being them and perhaps supporting me with other parts of my life has helped me to get through school, get through University and maintain a job with relative success.
In many cases, blokes aged 25 may be reluctant to admit that these people have been a big influence in their lives. You have your mates, homies, bloods (whatever they are called these days) and your circle, your family who get in the way and that's it. But one positive thing I have gained from anxiety is appreciating anyone who gives you joy, help and happiness.
Some examples:
University lecturers: I was lucky enough to study within a department that contained lecturers who knew everyone's names and whose primary aim was to help and teach students rather than undertake independent research and who were compassionate and approachable. Former polytechnics often get slated as not being 'proper' Universities... I vehemently disagree with people who believe this. If I'd have attended a University without this support I couldn't have enjoyed it one bit.
Bus passengers: I have caught the bus for 25 years... yes, my mum took me on the bus in my pram... and by and large it's always been the same bus routes in the same town. Another positive to come from anxiety is this: I suffered serious panic episodes when I took driving lessons over eight years ago now, and consequently I never got round to passing a test. But what that has meant is that I'm still forced to catch the bus, but in doing so I have met some hilariously funny, interesting and compassionate people. Granted, most of them are over 70 but so what? I keep in touch via email on a regular basis with one passenger who finds it difficult to get out and about these days.
Bus drivers: This may be even more bizarre to many, but Stafford is quite unique in that it only has a small bus depot, which consequently means you see the same drivers all the time. Some are stereotypically miserable, but we're quite lucky in that we have more who are pleasant than who are not. And in some cases, I have actually struck up decent friendships with them, to the point that when I catch the bus to work or to town, we end up having a chat the whole way round. On a couple of occasions, the drivers have been distracted by this and missed stops, to the annoyance of other passengers...
Work colleagues: This is perhaps less surprising as these are people you see five days a week. But again, I have been grateful to have worked with many interesting and friendly people who were very welcoming when I first started nearly five years ago. I have put my trust in a few of them in the past with good results. The workplace is notorious for bitching (let's be honest), but gladly the people I can definitely class as 'workmates' are more open-minded... although we're all still a bit bitchy at times...
My therapist: See previous blogs on my history of therapy, but in short my latest therapy was the only one I could count as being successful. This wasn't just down to the professionalism and understanding of my therapist, her knowledge and her experience - although these of course were of paramount importance - it was actually more down to her personality. I saw her in total for just over a year, and by the end of that we knew each other very well. She was open, compassionate and thoughtful, something that I appreciate all the best counsellors should be, but this was just her, as a person. She didn't switch it off at the end of a session. I will never forget how her attitude towards life helped me, just as much as the CBT I was getting.
There are probably many more examples I could give of different 'groups' of people who I must thank over the years. Whilst it's close family and friends who I always would turn to in a time of crisis, rightly so, the above groups of people have kept my life ticking along, in the good times and bad. Often they have been there to offer a shard of light in times of shrouding darkness, others have been there to support me in certain parts of my life whilst other parts are crashing down around me. But they have all have a crucial part to play and no doubt will continue to do so.
The conclusions are the same as my last blog. Utilise people. Don't be embarrassed or question who they are. If they offer you happiness and support, appreciate it and seek out more. It can only help in the quest of managing a mental health problem.
Best wishes
Al
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