Apologies it has been a while. As my last blog detailed, I have recently moved into my new house and this, along with the usual, has occupied a lot of my time recently. Apparently it's important to insure your life and buy plates.
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| There was never a sofa. |
Anyway, I thought I'd forego writing about my experience in dealing with anxiety and the aforementioned house move, and how anxiety has fared with recent pressured social events that I have been involved in. I will say, overall, these have been a success albeit laden with a few sticky patches. This is progress, though, as said sticky patches would once have been unidentifiable amongst the myriad of total stickiness that I would have had to endure.
Instead, I thought I would blog about my experiences with talking therapy that has helped me try and keep my anxiety in check, and, ultimately, that has helped me to be able to function more adequately in life than before. There has been a lot of talk, both virtually and verbally, recently about the effectiveness of therapy so I thought I would contribute, for what it's worth. I appreciate that there is information on all of this already laced within this website, but hopefully putting all into one blog will be useful.
Therapy No.1: NHS, referred to by GP
Year: 1997
Age: 10
Status: Year 6, final year or primary school
Obviously, so far back, I had no idea what was wrong with me or what the therapy was all about. My parents went to the doctor's who must have referred me to the NHS therapist. This came about after I had my first ever panic attack whilst on holiday in Devon. I also remember fearing death at this time and repeatedly asking God (as someone who isn't religious) that I didn't want to die. Whether there was anything else to trigger my parent's taking me to this appointment I don't know. But basically this therapy came about as a result of the first time in my life when it was clear that anxiety was going to dominate my youth (albeit I didn't know that then).
There were only two therapy sessions. One at the start so that the therapist could make both me and my mum cry in order to try and ascertain what the problem was, and a second one several weeks later to review progress. I must have had to carry out exercises in between; all I remember about this was drawing circles, the size of which indicated how anxious (whether that was the term he used I don't know) I was feeling. Given how long ago this was, I can't remember how much success this therapy had; although given I've spent the following 18 years dealing with anxiety, one could make a reasonable assumption.
Key lesson learnt: I was always destined for an anxiety-filled life to have had therapy at such an early age...
Accessibility: I can't remember how long it took before making the appointment and getting seen. I don't think it was long, as perhaps children are prioritised?
No. sessions: 2
Cost: Free
Success: 4/10 - may have helped alleviate the immediate issues but no effect long-term.
Therapy No.2: University counselling service, self-referred
Year: 2006
Age: 19
Status: Second year of University
I should mention that refraining from accessing therapy during my entire high school career sounds positive, but I know for a fact that I should have obtained help on more than one occasion during this time. Call it inexperience, feeling weak, uncertainty or whatever, but for some reason even at my lowest times during high school - and there were many - I never took this option.
And as it happened, this self-referral in 2006 only occurred out of desperation. At the time, not only was I experiencing well-established panic attacks, but my mind had decided to loop things that I couldn't get out of my head. I thought, to use a term not conducive to helping remove mental health stigma, that I was going mad.
Anyway, I won't dwell much on this. I had only one session, which frankly is all I expected, and my condition was put down to stress. I knew it wasn't - but you have to remember I was desperate. At the time I'd have seen a trained chimp. What I didn't know back in 2006, of course, was that I needed CBT and not a counsellor giving me relaxation techniques.
Key lesson learnt: Therapists at Universities certainly have their place (especially to deal with issues such as exam stress) but aren't necessarily trained in therapy for advanced conditions.
Accessibility: Outstanding - I went to book an appointment and was seen within 20 minutes!
No. sessions: 1
Cost: Free
Success: 2/10 - chocolate and fireguard springs to mind, but to be fair on them they could only do their best and probably weren't used to someone like me knocking on their door.
Therapy No.3: NHS, referred to by GP
Year: 2007
Age: 20
Status: Third year of University
At the same time as accessing the above therapy, I booked in to see the GP to obtain another course of therapy on the NHS. Now, we are in really troubled times at the moment with regards our NHS system, so to have a go at it seems wrong, somehow. But I can't lie - the service and the therapy I experienced here was nothing short of useless. For a start, it took 13 months - I'll repeat that - 13 months from being referred from my GP to getting an appointment. By which time, the reason I had booked into therapy in the first place was less of a concern. Third year of University was one of the better times for me, so seeing a therapist during this time wasn't as relevant. OK, so I still had anxiety, but I was in dreamland compared to 6-12 months prior.
You could argue, therefore, that judging the quality of the therapy in light of this is unfair, but it is the healthcare system's fault that I had to wait that long in the first place. So, here goes. The therapist was the same person I saw with my parents back in 1997. I realised after not too long that I didn't really like him as a person; he came across as very unsympathetic and unhelpful, which is not what you need in a therapy session.
Secondly, what I needed was CBT, not counselling. Now, I couldn't influence this at the time because I still didn't know that's what I needed, but the fact I got counselling shows two things: (1) that the GP didn't properly understand what mental health conditions require what therapy to treat them and (2) that, in my town, there was only one therapist - a counsellor - available to see on the NHS. Hence the absurd delay.
I was also limited to a certain number of sessions, again unsurprisingly. So what I was a victim of here is an over-stretched service and a therapist who, quite frankly, I didn't get on with. Consequently, the lasting impact was less than negligible.
Key lesson learnt: The NHS needs / needed (as maybe it has improved in recent years?) a radical overhaul in mental health therapy provision.
Accessibility: Shocking. 13 months from referral to appointment.
No. sessions: 7
Cost: Free
Success: 1/10 - no lasting impact.
Therapy No.4: Private CBT, self-referred
Year: 2010
Age: 22-23
Status: Couple of years into my first main job.
I say 'so-called' CBT therapist, because I didn't actually obtain CBT. Although I had ascertained CBT was what I thought I needed, I still didn't know exactly what it was about, so at the time I just got in with it, albeit with a bit of confusion. I know it wasn't CBT now, because this therapy was all about the therapist trying to find out why I had this eating issue and spent the majority of each session talking about my family history and how this could have caused it. No. No. No. This is not CBT. This was counselling in some form or another. There was also one session dedicated to relaxation techniques. I'd heard enough dolphin noises by this stage.
The final thing to emphasise is that, although this was private therapy, it was still limited to only a few sessions. In this sense, it was no different to the NHS and frankly, the quality of the therapy was no better either.
Key lesson learnt: Private therapy isn't always the answer!
Accessibility: Good; I was seen within a couple of weeks from making first contact.
No. sessions: 8 - limited to this number.
Cost: £60 first session £30 thereafter; a total of £270
Success: 1/10 - no lasting impact; I still had problems with eating out, the one thing I was hoping to resolve.
Therapy No.5: Private CBT, self-referred via Anxiety UK
Year: 2011-12
Age: 23-25
Status: Well into my first job, moved out of home for first time towards the end of treatment
And so finally, a tale of good news. This call for help was as a result of that particular event that took place on a train back from Cornwall, when I had a panic attack for 14 hours non-stop. Subsequently I could barely leave the house and my anxiety levels had hit a new level that I didn't think were possible. I knew action had to be taken otherwise I was in serious trouble.
Having had no previous success locally, privately or via the NHS, I was in a bit of a quandary about who I should turn to. Thanks to Google, I stumbled across Anxiety UK, a charity dedicated to providing help for people with anxiety. I called their helpline to arrange an appointment with a therapist via webcam, because there wasn't a therapist available in my town. It was impossible for me to travel any distance at this time, so webcam therapy was my only option - but that fact that it was offered in the first place was a revelation.
Within two weeks I had my first appointment with a therapist who happened to be based 262 miles away. She was an NHS therapist part-time and a therapist working privately on behalf of Anxiety UK the rest of the time. She only had a few non-NHS patients at one time, of which I was one. And lo and behold, ladies and gents, I was getting CBT. I was obtaining the help I needed, not just to help deal with the current situation but the whole underlying anxiety condition that I'd had for 13 years. The focus was on how to deal with the situation as it was in the present, not about why I got to that point in the first place. This did get discussed later on, but only when I was a little more stable and we were able to get more into the meat of the condition as a whole.
There was also less pressure to improve, because sessions were unlimited; i.e., you got what you could afford to pay for. And finally, I must say that the therapist was outstanding. She listened, advised, and shared her own experiences - as she too had experienced mental health conditions over the years. We got on almost as friends by the end, and I could not speak highly enough of her manner and intelligence on almost all issues that I had to raise.
Key lesson learnt: Try going via the charity route. Enough said.
Accessibility: Good; I was seen within a couple of weeks from making first contact.
No. sessions: 50; unlimited depending on requirements.
Cost: £20 per session; £1,000 overall. The best £1,000 I have ever spent.
Success: 9/10 - I will always have anxiety, but this extensive therapy has helped me manage the condition so much better than I ever thought I could. It's more rational, I can keep it under control more and I have tools in place to help me in the more challenging times. I set up this blog just after the therapy had concluded which says something in itself.
There you have it folks. My aim here is to share my experiences, raise awareness of these and to suggest things to look out for if you are looking to access talking therapy.
My final message is this. It appears from mine - and others - experiences in obtaining the therapy you need to deal with a long-term anxiety problem, that paying for someone's services is the only answer. What do people who can't afford such therapy do? The fact that good quality therapy may only be accessible to those who can afford it is absolutely abhorrent and a shocking indictment of mental healthcare provision in this country. This is a sweeping generalisation of course, but I'm purely going on my experience. There will be excellent NHS therapists out there - and as I've documented above, poor private ones - but nevertheless, my point still stands.
I will conclude by mentioning that this website was three years old on 15 June. Still going strong. Well, still going anyway. I hope I can keep it up, if nothing else so I can add my two-penny's worth into the 'trying to help raise awareness of anxiety' sphere.
Best wishes
Al
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