New challenges II

Hi all,

I wrote a blog a few weeks ago about how my mum has got early onset Alzheimer's disease. Today this was officially confirmed by those in the know, which quite honestly is a good thing because it means we can move forward and get on with official next steps.

I said challenges, not impossibilities...

This, clearly, is a difficult time and one of the main challenges for me is to ensure anxiety does not start dominating again. It feels horribly selfish to be thinking about looking after myself at a time like this but I know that I am no use if I am an anxious mess.

Yesterday I spent around a hour staving off a panic attack on a train - I was back in 2011 again for a minute. Fortunately, CBT techniques and breathing just about allowed me to succeed, but this was clearly a sign of my mind telling me "too much is going on."

I am also going to Ireland on my own for eight days next Monday. This, on its own, is a huge challenge for me and the good old 'panic disorder brain' is kicking in - thinking 'what if I have a panic attack whilst away,' triggering a panic attack in the present.  

I have also been invited by a friend to visit Canada for nigh on two weeks in September. This is incredibly exciting and somewhere I want to go - so I can use this as a goal and an incentive to be 'mentally ready.'

I can say with no uncertainty that these next few months - probably years - are going to be a fight and a half. I am up for it, just about, but let me tell you I need all the support I can get folks.

So stick with me :)

Best wishes,
Al