As you will no doubt have picked up on this site via previous blogs, I have undertaken various rounds of therapy over the years for my chronic anxiety condition. The only successful round was the fifty sessions of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy I had most recently, when I paid £1,000 in total (£20 per session) via Anxiety UK to obtain private therapy, as is the sad reality of the difficulties of accessing mental health support in this country.
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Anyway, before I get political, one of the many things I grasped whilst undertaking these therapy sessions was trying to be positive. CBT is all about re-wiring of thought processes, something that takes years to master - and actually, I would argue, something you can never master completely. One example of this is turning a seemingly negative situation into something positive, and trying not to let the little things that don't really matter get you down. I was naturally a very negative person; I would say CBT and years of hindsight has turned me from a negative person into a slightly more positive but still very sceptical person, but still I count this as an improvement.
One of the CBT techniques that I commenced in 2011 was writing what I call a 'Positive Journal' (PJ). This is a notebook that I keep in the drawer at the side of my bed that is there to capture all the positive things that happened during the day, effectively in the form of a detailed list.
Now this didn't faze me, because I used to keep a journal from 2003 to 2007 ish. The key difference, though, is that these older journals recounted everything that had happened on every given day, whether it be positive or negative. And, it perhaps won't surprise you to know, most of it was negative because for the majority of the time I was suffering from severe anxiety. I remember one post that just said "why is this happening to me?" The rest of the articles were of much the same ilk, coupled with re-telling the embarrassing cavorting that one did as a lanky, unpopular schoolchild (and early University student). I swear to this day that routinely filling in my journal day in day out did me more harm than good, because it captured the horrible feelings and emotions that I went through on any given day, when really I should have tried to forget about them!
So whilst, at first, I was sceptical (surprise surprise) about starting a new journal in 2011, I realised soon that by only documenting the good things that happened on any given day gave me some warm memories and thoughts to look back on, rather than all the other bilge that goes with it. And, of course, this is coupled with the fact that I have been much better in terms if controlling my anxiety since around 2013 anyway, so really bad days became less.
So what exactly do I record? Mostly things to do with other people, so whether it be having a laugh down the pub with a friend, some chats and banter with work colleagues, or anything where I've had a chat with someone else. It could also include things I do alone, such as enjoying a walk (which as you know I do) or watching my football team win. It could be a compliment someone gave to me or a personal achievement. Or it could be even more simple, like feeling chilled out or even having a good dream. I also carry a small jotter with me in my bag, so that if I'm out an about and something happens that I must record, rather than forget when I get home to write in my PJ, I capture it there and then (if feasible!). It can also include personal winning battles against anxiety, like going out for a meal where I can actually eat everything - the sort of thing most people take for granted.
So why bother? Mainly, because it makes you appreciate things in life. Just the other day, I had a couple of really good meetings with people at work, one because I was able to impart my experience on someone else which obviously felt rewarding, the other because I liked the person's company. Might not sound a lot, but whilst writing these entries into my PJ, it made me realise how many good people are in my life and how many things can make you feel good, warm or hopeful. It also gives you that ability to turn something bad into something good. An example of this would be when I was campaigning to bring the local bus service back. At the time, the campaigning wasn't going well, and yet people kept thanking me for trying. So I captured the thanking bit into my PJ and ignored the rest. It just makes you realise that things aren't all that bad and that there are often more people who positively influence your life than you think.
It also makes you appreciate things more. I'm sure that by writing certain things - take walking again as an example - into my PJ it has made me appreciate them more when I'm doing them again, because I think "this will be one for the PJ later!" It almost gives you your own competition, to make everything better than before. To increase the positive things in your life. And it can also increase your compassion, by realising that many of the positive things that happen are as a result of other people. This can make you want these things to happen more often, therefore by being more compassionate, you get these feelings again and more people want to be part of your life.
It all sounds like flowers and roses in the sky doesn't it... but it's not without it's flaws, of course. If something bad happens on a particular day, of course you don't write it in the PJ. However, you might still write a couple of other things that occurred that were of a more positive nature that happened on that day. The issue is, when you read back through, you can often still remember what day the negative thing happened based on the positive things that happened on the same day, which of course then triggers the negative memory. So over time you have to learn to write things in such a way where this is minimised, which is not easy.
However overall, I've found this to be a very simple way of trying to stay positive, which of course is good for helping to improve the state of your mental health. I'm not for a minute suggesting that if someone with chronic depression or anxiety suddenly started doing this it would transform their lives, but I would certainly advocate it as a small part of a recovery process. I'd even suggest it to people who perhaps don't have a mental health condition, as I'm sure it would still make them that bit happier when they read through their entries again. Try it and see how you get on.
Best wishes
Al
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