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| Speaks for itself. |
Let me start my explaining what it is that I would tell someone who asked me to tell them 'about myself.' So:
Q: Tell me about yourself.
A: "OK, well my name is Al, I have the same name as a well-known comedian, I'm 26, I'm from Stafford and I work for the council and have done so for 5 years. I went to Uni and did Geography and my hobbies include making electronic music, football, swimming and socialising with my friends."
How many people would then bolt on the following sentence:
"I have lived with chronic anxiety for over 15 years."
Let alone the detail that would annotate this sentence if described in full.
Now OK, I'm sure you'd argue that if you had just had cancer you probably wouldn't add on an equivalent sentence stating the fact. But surely after you get to know someone after a few weeks, it would probably come out that you've had cancer, because you wouldn't be scared of telling someone this. There's no stigma around cancer. OK, you could argue that if you got lung cancer and smoked 50 a day then there's a stigma of blame, but generally its accepted as something which we'd be happy to talk about. Even in that latter scenario, you'd probably say '... it's my fault really, because of all the cigarettes I've had in my lifetime," and people would accept that as you've acknowledged the situation.
If this sounds like I'm trivialising cancer in some way by the way, of course I'm not. It's purely for comparative purposes. Replace cancer with anything else physical and the result will often be the same. Embarrassment at worst. And when I say 'something else physical,' I'm not referring to self-harming or any external physical symptoms that a mental illness could generate. But there would still be a stigma around explaining these, rather than just an embarrassment (at worst).
I think this blog so far shows how my mind is pulling one way then the other on this subject, proving how difficult I'm finding it to discuss it coherently.
The rest is just opinion and what I feel. And for reference, when I say 'people,' I generally mean close people (friends, family etc) unless specified.
If I had a physical illness, I'd almost want to tell people so I could get help and support (and probably sympathy). You need to do the same for anxiety or any other mental illness, but it often takes so much longer to open up to someone about a mental illness. Why?
OK, so you could argue that it's because (a) physical illnesses can be more obvious to someone else so there's nowhere to hide and (b) your need to tell someone may appear more urgent, in the case of requiring treatment quickly. But often this isn't the case. I lay my cards on the table; I think I'd be more comfortable telling someone about a chronic physical illness, rather than a mental one (although I can't prove this having, luckily, not suffered from a chronic physical illness).
So, back to the original question: why? The answer? Stigma.
Not exactly groundbreaking. But again, this is stigma that I may (or may not) have made up in my head... how do I know what people are going to react like when I tell them about my mental health problem? How do I know that they will judge me, change their behaviour around me, or something else? How do I know that they won't understand?
My point is, these questions shouldn't be valid. I shouldn't be frightened of opening up about the anxiety I've experienced, and neither should anyone else about their mental health problem. OK, so I'm not proposing you introduce yourself, as per the start of this blog, by saying "I've suffered with chronic anxiety for 15 years," but no-one should be scared or reluctant to tell people about it given time. I still am, even despite having it for so long, despite what I've learnt, despite this blog, I'm still playing into the stigma's hands. I'm just so pleased that now, more than ever, people and charities are doing a lot of great work to try and change this. I know I need to step up and do more, especially around the workplace, but most of all, for myself I need to be more confident of breaking through the stigma.
Anxiety has made me stronger, not weaker.
#TimetoTalk
Best wishes
Al
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